Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month.
A time when we take a step back from all the baby posts and social media cuteness and think about those who were never born.

It affects 25% of us. But most people never imagine it will happen to them... until it does.
Its not genetic, not currently preventable, and never expected. There is no way to predict if it will happen to you. 1 in 4 woman will experience pregnancy loss in her life. If you look through your friends and family I am sure you will be surprised at how common it is around us- yet how little it is talked about.

For those 3 out of 4 of you whom never experience this first hand- what can you do?
Be supportive. Even though posts about loss can be depressing, don't ignore them. Liking a photo or post about someones loss goes a long way and shows these woman that you care.
Just letting them know you are here for them helps. I received flowers from friends just saying they were thinking about me and I can't express how much that meant to me at that time.
Avoid comforting with "at least" phrases, such as "at least you can try again." or "At least it wasn't further along". These are well meaning but so hurtful for someone in this situation.

For the 25% who have experienced this first hand- reach out to one another. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to share your story. Its important to realize that this happens to many people for many reasons and you are not alone. Your pain is not any more or less justified because of the time at which this occurred. You are allowed to be sad, and angry about this. You should not blame your self or go down the habit hole of thinking of all the things that could have possibly caused this. You are not to blame, these things just happen.

It is important to remember the men at this time as well. It hurts them mentally and emotionally just as hard as the woman. It is sometimes harder for them to open up or seek comfort, but they need it just as much. If there is any positive moment that could be pulled from the terrible experience of our miscarriage- it is that it brought my husband and I so much closer together. We grieved together, took turns being the strong one and leaned on each other, and helped one another move forward with hope again.

October 15th is the national mourning day of Pregnancy and Infant loss. At 7pm local time we light candles, wether together or alone, and remember those who were never here. Take a moment to reflect on your loss. We will never forget these things that change our lives forever. But with time we can move on from this with peace.

Picture from: angelbabynetwork.org

Here is my blog post about our miscarriage: http://ayoungwifeslife.blogspot.com/2016/10/my-miscarriage.html

I encourage you to share your stories in the comments below if you wish.

Marriage New Years Resolutions

While you are writing out your Goals for the new year, thinking of ways for improving yourself in 2017. -Make some resolutions to improve your marriage.
Here are some ideas to add to your list:

• Set aside time and money to go on a date every month. A 'real' date. Where you have actual plans, get dressed up, and spend quality time together. Phones and Distractions NOT included.

• Make a 'Rule' not to raise your voice to each other. You can still argue and disagree, but make an effort to keep a respectful tone. Don't let simple arguments escalate into fights.

• Love is Service. Go out of your way to do something nice/thoughtful for your spouse once a week. It doesn't have to be big. It could be washing their clothes, or taking the trash down when its their job. Just a little gesture to show your love.

• Do Not Micromanage your Spouse. Learn to separate yourself as individuals. Not everything has to be Your way. Not everything they do has to be like you- because they are not you. 

• Sit down and discuss issues and things that cause you to argue or bother you. Then make realistic goals on how to compromise and improve. If you fight about money- revise your budget and make a plan to stick to it. If you argue about the dishes, make a schedule for who does them. If you argue about the toothpaste tube- get 2. Whatever it is, now is the time to address it in a constructive manner. 

My Miscarriage

Reader Digression: This is going to be an incredibly raw and personal story about my experience with miscarriage.

I know you are not supposed to go down the rabbit hole pondering what could have caused your miscarriage. There are drug addicts who give birth to semi healthy babies, so it is important to not blame yourself for what happened. But in hindsight there were some things that I think defiantly did not help my odds of not miscarrying, and I wanted to address these "Red Flags" or bad habits that maybe contributed or indicated a problem.

The first sign for me was the pregnancy tests.
At 2 weeks late I decided to take a pregnancy test. I took a line test and it came back positive. Very light, but the second line was there.
I waited 2 days and took another test. 2  pink lines, definitely positive. I took a digital test, it said "not pregnant" so I was confused? The next day I took another line test and got another positive. So I considered myself pregnant.
At this point I should have been sitting around 6 weeks pregnant when I took the test, at which point my HcG levels should have been high enough to indicate a clear positive result. Looking back I think the faint light and negative digital result were a red flag that my Hormone levels were not as high as they should be. This is not always the case and obviously every pregnancy is different so you should not panic if your test was faint or first test was negative. But for me, hindsight says this could have been an early indication that something was off.

I did the prenatal vitamins. Stopped eating seafood. Cut down my caffeine intake. Ect... Trying to be the best incubator possible.
But I also had a bad history of high sugar, high caffeine, low nutrient diet. So my body was already low on vitamins and minerals. And I blame my sweet tooth for possibly causing blood sugar issues that could have contributed to my miscarriage. (I have a serious sugar addiction. And gestational diabetes does run on my family history.)

I called all the local OBGYN's around to ask when I should set up an appointment. They seemed less that eager to have me as a client due to my lack of insurance*. I got short answers and was told only certain doctors would see me. Due to the busy schedule of this overly fertile city- they refused to do any appointments sooner than 12 weeks, as it was not necessary. Not even an HcG blood test**.
They told me to get some prenatal vitamins and they would see me in 4 weeks. No list of dos & don't. No advice. Just a short conversation and *click*

*Pregnancy can sometimes qualify you for special insurance enrollment times through the health insurance marketplace. As well as the availability of many government programs. Look for abortion alternative clinics in your area and they will help you!
**You can insist on having lab work done at ANY time during your pregnancy to test your HcG levels. You are the customer- you are paying for the service. Do not be afraid to request services! Even if they say you don't need one, for your peace of mind, tell them if you want it!

There are SO many things to avoid! I was upset that the doctor never gave me recommendations but as a rule- no seafood, no processed meat, no hot baths, no ibuprofen or medications not approved first be a OBGYN, no Salic acid (in certain face cleaners and toner), no hair dye, no paint, no fake tan or chemical filled lotion/skin products, don't breath in fumes, and avoid litter boxes.

At 11 weeks I thought we were close enough to the "Safe zone" (second tri) that we could announce it, as pregnancy is something super exciting and you want to share with everyone!
There is no "Safe zone" but things are most likely to go wrong during the first 12 weeks, and then still kind of likely until 20 weeks. And if you announce the pregnancy you will have to share your suffering publicly as well. It is your choice. And some people feel that having friends know and support them is helpful to their grief.
 However, I personally wish I wouldn't have shared the news.

4 days later I noticed that I was spotting. A dime size amount, but any amount of bleeding is terrifying during pregnancy. So I went to the internet again, and found that "Light bleeding or spotting during the first Tri is common and no need for concern." So I put it out of my mind for the time being. But the next day it was quarter size spots, 2 of them. So I called my assigned OBGYN office again.
She told me the same thing "Light bleeding or spotting during the first Tri is common and no need for concern." but when I insisted I was nervous about it she told me to go get blood work done and she would check mg HcG levels. So I took a lunch break and went straight to the Lab.
I am terrified of needles, but my anxiety about the spotting was greater that my needle anxiety so I kept it together.
The next day she told me to go in again and we would test the levels 24 hours later and see if they were going up or down. By this time I was having slight cramping pain but assumed this was due to the stress of this situation. It got worse as I waited what felt like an eternity for the call.

I received a phone call 3 hours later from the Dr, not the nurse. I was at work, and went to the back to take the call. She said "your test results came back and your HcG is decreasing which means you are going to miscarry any time within the next few days" She said it matter of factly, as nicely as she could, but very straight forward, almost bluntly. My ears rang and I just said "ok" and hung up the phone. So that was that.

I called my boss and told him I was unwell and had to leave- now. He assumed I was ill or had a headache and asked if I could stay 2 more hours, but I informed him I was leaving immediately. I didn't care if I got fired at this point. It was like when she told me that, she gave my body permission to precede with what it was already trying to do. I was in the worst pain I had ever experienced by the time I arrived home. It was all I could do to get out of the truck and climb the unbearable stairs to my apartment.
I hadn't even called my husband, and he was alarmed when I stumbled in the front door. "Are you ok?" he asked, looking at my pale expression and hunched posture. "No, I am in SO much pain right now! I HAVE to lay down!"
I went to the bedroom, took off all my uncomfortable clothes and crawled into bed.

I had an ovarian cyst rupture several months earlier- and if you have ever experienced it, it is an intense cramping pain like your appendix is dying or you have been stabbed. This was just as horrible, but it lasted longer. I called the doctor back and asked her at what pointed I should be concerned and she basically told me to "Go to the ER if you bleed heavily enough you become faint or pass out" and called in a prescription for a pain killer if I decided I needed it.  I sent my husband to retrieve the prescription- half because I wanted pain relief and half because I didn't want him around. He was only trying to help and was concerned, but I only wanted to be alone in this time of pain and misery.

I will spare you the details of the rest of the evening but I will say that you will lose a LOT of blood. More than you think you will. For every period you missed, add that and multiply it by 3.
It is very painful. You are dilating, like how one would in labor- except you don't dilate as much (only to about a 3-5 cm depending on how far along you are when it happens.) And you also have contractions. Some people say that these are just as bad as pregnancy contractions, but again, I think it depends on how far along you are.
I was scared, no-one told me what to prepare for. I thought at one point that I might pass out and possibly die from this. The best place for me was to lay in the shower and let the water constantly run across me.
You will pass large clots and clumps of tissue, and possibly the entire birth sac. For me- seeing the "Birth Sac" completely intact was the most traumatic experience of my life. It is an image that is forever burned in my brain. I wanted to see if there was indeed a baby inside- but it felt morbid to do that. So I wrapped it, and set it aside. Some people flush them. Some people bury or cremate them. It is 100% what you feel is right. There is no guideline for what you should do with this. Most hospitals dispose of it as medical waste, and it is not considered a person for burial until 20-24 weeks depending on the state. Anything before this point is your choice, and responsibility.
We chose to bury ours in nature, as it seemed a more respectful and ceremonial and I could not bring myself to just dispose of it.

For me it was such a shock and was so abrupt that I didn't really wrap my head around it. I felt numb, and distant from reality. I didn't feel as sad as I thought I should, and that made me feel guilty. I was disappointed, and embarrassed. I felt as tho I had done something wrong and caused this, and now all my friends and relatives knew I was unfit to have a baby. I felt like all my plans and excitement got out of hand and I had gotten ahead of myself. I felt like I had let down my husband, as he was over the moon excited to be a father. And worst of all- I felt relieved. I wasn't ready for a baby, and I was so scared about suddenly being responsible for one, that I felt like I had subconsciously told myself to have a miscarriage.

We didn't talk about it. I tried to pretend it didn't happen. I went back to work 3 days later and no-one said a thing and I acted as tho nothing had happened. It was easier to not think about it.
My husband didn't bring it up, and kept his feelings about it private for the most part. Which ended up causing him to drink more, and become more distant. People often forget that a miscarriage can be just as hard on the husband. Several months later we were able to talk about the experience together and he said "I think subconsciously the miscarriage effected me more than I realized it was, because I was trying to pretend everything was ok for you... and I didn't recognize that I wasn't ok yet."

I also became very bitter. Every time I saw a pregnancy announcement, or expectant mother I would think things like "She doesn't deserve to have a baby because_____" or "Why do people like them get to have children when I don't". I would judge people by their genes, thinking anyone who was less healthy, or attractive, or successful did not deserve to reproduce. And I became very hateful of other peoples children.
This anger and resentment and jealousy ate away at me daily for a long time.

Over time I started to embrace and cope with the realization that this had happened to us, it was real life, and I needed to find a way to let it go and move on.
Then one day I was searching the internet for "What to do with miscarriage" And found an article called "The Japanese Art of Grieving a Miscarriage" With Miscarriages being so common, surely others had experienced this and there was a way to grieve, a ceremony, a tradition...
That was where I learned of the Jizo.

https://www.amazon.com/Hi-Line-Gift-Ltd-Japanese-Smiling/dp/B01N3P0FFB/ref=sr_1_28?ie=UTF8&qid=1508802991&sr=8-28&keywords=jizo

"These small figurines dressed in red caps and bibs honor the souls of babies who are never born.

According to Buddhist belief, a baby who is never born can’t go to heaven, having never had the opportunity to accumulate good karma. But Jizo, a sort of patron saint of fetal demise, can smuggle these half-baked souls to paradise in his pockets. He also delivers the toys and snacks we saw being left at his feet on Mount Koya. Jizo is the U.P.S. guy of the afterlife."

And for me, and others who arnt buddist, the Jizo represents the child, it is a memorial. A way to honor the past, and not forget, but have closure.

My Jizo statue sits on a shelf in my house, and I can look at it and not feel sad anymore.

For the few months immediately after the miscarriage I had intense feelings of wanting to "fill the void" and try for another child. This is normal and caused by the hormones fluctuating through your body during this time. It is best to wait 3 or more months before trying again, to give your body, and mind time to heal. We got a new dog at this time, thinking a baby puppy would give me something to care for and love, and it was very comforting to me at that time.

As time went on, the miscarriage didn't have as much weight holding me down. I felt happy again.
My husband and I were able to talk about it, together, as well as to people who asked us about it. The more we talked about it the more we healed. I was able to force myself to let go of the guilt and anger  and embarrassment and resentment. I was able to find peace with what had happened and move forward.
I found so many forms and people in my life who had gone through this same thing. There was a whole community of woman who shared their stories online, and helped bring peace and consoling to other woman who were suffering. The more forms I read, and blog posts, and stories, the better I felt about my experience. The more I realized how normal these thoughts and feelings were. And it brought comfort to me to know that I was not alone.
So I decided to post this story, and share my experience in hopes that others can relate and receive comfort from it.

Reach out to those around you. Share your story. And let go of the anger and hurt. Time heals all wounds, and you will be ok again.

Links & References:

To the Woman who has just miscarried: http://mrshsfavouritethings.com/2016/10/open-letter-woman-miscarried.html

What happens when you Miscarry: http://www.labelledame.com/miscarriage/whathappenswhenyouhaveamiscarriage

A blighted Ovum is a miscarriage where no baby forms: https://wehavekids.com/having-baby/Blighted-Ovum-and-Missed-Miscarriage

Grieving a miscarriage: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/06/well/family/the-japanese-art-of-grieving-a-miscarriage.html

You need Jesus

I grew up in a small community in Utah. A country style town where every body knew everybody. The Church (of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (aka 'Mormon')) was very popular there, as in most of Utah. Most of the population was LDS, and the community was very family and church based. So when someone happened to not be Mormon, it was the odd thing there. And even if they had a different religion, people still knew a lot about Mormon culture, because the rest of the state kind of upheld those traditions. This was back ten years ago, and Christen region wasn't under so much negative light.
Recently we moved quite far from our Mormon state to a bigger busier city. Its not as easy going and friendly here, but that has more to do with not knowing anyone than the community itself. Its hard to feel connected with a community you didn't grow up with, and have little in common.
In small talk conversations I find that a lot of people have asked where we moved from (I guess I have a bit of an accent?) and when I say we came from Utah people automatically assume "You must be Mormon then?"
The main religion here (if you are religious at all) is the Catholic Church. Which, from my understanding has a lot of the same core beliefs and standards as the Mormon church. There is 1 church here, 3 wards, maybe 1,000 members in this town. Which is odd for me coming from a place where there was 1 church practically every mile. But there are many Catholic church here (which by the way are beautiful).
Sometimes the "So you must be Mormon?" question comes out kind and curious. And often times there is a slight tone in it that makes you feel like the person asking you has some negative feeling towards it. I answer "Yes, my husband and I both are LDS" with as much confidence and positivity as I can. But its hard to not be a little nervous about stating your belief when it is not only less popular, but sometimes disliked, and you don't know what the person will say about it.
Giving yourself that label, making that statement, sets you apart and hold you to a higher standard. If you are going to proudly announce that "I am a Mormon" and you believe and follow the LDS church, you should make sure that when people meet you they feel like the Mormons are good kind people. When they think LDS they think of people like you and you want that to be a positive association. We want people to think of Mormons as kind caring and giving people. People who follow Jesus and want to spread his message and love with others. We want them to think of service and help and compassion.
In todays society Christian regions, especially Mormons, are under negative light because of the members actions concerning new cultural changes. Specifically the LGBT community and the churches stance on Gay marriage. Society has painted a dark picture on our community for being closed-minded, discriminative, hateful people. In response to my answer "Yes I am Mormon" I have been asked "So you hate gay people?" It shook me how he looked at me with disgust and pain and assumed that I hated him or thought of him as nothing more that Satans brother when he said that. "No!" I answered. "I don't hate anybody" "Well then why do you people refuse to let Gay people have rights?" he spat. "We don't. The church has rules against them being married in our church, because same sex marriage is a sin according to our religion." I explained. "BUT, the church is also against sex before marriage and doesn't allow even its members who don't obey every standard to be married in their temples either." He then asked "Well then why don't you let gay people come to your church?" to which I replied "We do. We invite everyone to come. And anyone who tells you other wise isn't following the religion either because we all break the rules and sin in one way or another. But we do not judge each other by those sins or tell people they ant welcome because of any of them." "A lot of Mormons do judge" he said. "Yes, but they are going to hell for judging you then so I wouldn't worry about it" I laughed. And he became less hostile. "Listen, I drink coffee, I like tattoos, I've had alcohol, and I had sex before I was married ok? I am not perfect. But I don't think my sins are less sinful than anything you do, and I don't hate you because of what you believe or do."
I think this is something we all need to apply and proclaim.
I know many many self righteous, better than thou, judgmental Mormons who put themselves on a pedestal and look down on others. I think it makes them feel like they are more likely to go to heaven as long as they are better than the majority of others, so they point out and pick at other people who they think are more sinful than them. But the truth is- there is not a limit on the number of people who are allowed into heaven. Just because 10 people sin some than you does not make you more likely to get into heaven because you think those 10 arn't.
I also think that a lot of them think its unfair if they play by the rules and "have less fun" than someone who screwed up and later repented is on the same level of them. Which in a way kind of is, because you naturally want gratification and awarded for doing better at something than another. But news flash- religion isn't a competition! You don't get an award, you don't get favoritism, you are equal.
God loves you. But he can love everyone else too, and it doesn't take anything away from you. But if you truly believe in God, and are trying to be like him, you need to love everyone equally. And spread that love and kindness and giving to everyone. Wether you personally agree with their life choices or not doesn't matter. If you refuse to love and accept people for who they are than why would they want to have anything to do with you or the religion you are associated with? Why would they want to believe in God if the people who are spreading his message are also spreading one of hate and discrimination? Mormons don't hate Gay people. Mormons don't hate anybody. And if you have any hate in your heart for these people, than it is you who needs Jesus.
And if you are going to say "Yes, I am a Mormon" you need to make sure you're living, dressing, and behaving like someone who is proud to be Mormon. You need to be the light that shines that brings warmth and love to others and draws them closer to God. Not someone who pushes people away or makes them feel unwanted or unworthy of Gods love. Because he loves everyone.

The Fuck-it-Bucket

I can not believe how messy your house can get when only 2 people live there. But when you graduate from newly weds to overly comfortable couple with very busy lives, your house becomes the landing zone for all your belongings and half finished projects.

Growing up, my mom made cleaning the house into a much bigger project than I thought it needed to be. Why spend hours cleaning and detailing and organizing your house, when it only becomes a mess again by the end of the day? What a waste of time I could be doing something else. So if you are looking for an overly organized way to meticulously clean your house this is the wrong place. This is more the way to clean your house quickly and efficiently then here you are.

First off you will need 2 Landry baskets, a trash bag, and a large storage tub with a lid like this: 

Take things 1 room at a time. The first basket will be for laundry, the second for everything that goes in the room you are currently cleaning, and the storage tub is for all the odd things that don't exactly have a place. Like a huge junk drawer, I call it the 'Fuck it Bucket'

So turn on the music and sort through each room as quickly as possible, Trash, laundry, room stuff, everything else. After each room put away the contents of the 'room basket' and move on. When all the rooms are sorted then run through the house with window cleaner, wipe down counters, dust and vacuum. Each room should take no more than 10 minutes. Then snap the tub closed and put it in a coat closet.

The best part of the Fuck-it-Bucket is that whenever your spouse, or other family members ask where  something is direct them to the bucket where they have to dig through the entire contents. Soon you will be amazed by what is left out for you to pick up because they are sick of having to dig their crap out after you pick it up.

Try it out, give it a week. Let me know what you think.

Parenting a young... husband?

As the first year of bliss wears off you start to realize that you now have a full grown man child in your life. Undoubtably you either have cried or will cry from frustration when you just can not get him to behave. It is one of those things that everyone struggles with and everyone learns to accept. Yes Accept. It. Will. Never. Change.
From telling him how to drive. To behave in a public place. To stop saying this. Quit doing that. Please don't. Knock it off. Be Careful. Wear your seatbelt. Turn that down. Be gentle with that. Dont put that there. Where did you put this? Close that. Ect...
It never stops. You will get more and more annoyed at each little thing. And why does it bother you so?
Because they don't listen. They don't stop. It goes in one ear, out the other, and five minutes later they are doing exactly what you told them not to.
You give them specific instructions, ask them to repeat them to you, and when they come back they still did it wrong.

What do you do?
The honest answer is 'Let it go'. You are your own person, with your own habits and rules for everything. But at the end of the day they are their own person too. They will do it their own way. Even if that way is harder, more dangerous, and socially frowned upon. All you can do is shake your head.
You could try to nag them over and over again. But that only causes friction between you, and not the good kind. The good news is every now and then they learn from experience and become wiser.

But the moral of the story is, you can't be a wife and a Parent. You can't micromanage a man. And the best motto in life came from a Disney Princess who ironically doesn't have a man to deal with.

Leave Him Alone

Its a well known stereotype that wife's are nagging and controlling. You hear it all the time. Guys complaining about their 'Ball and Chain', being 'whipped' or having to 'ask the woman'.
Even woman know that they are the 'bosses' of their home. He may be the head of the household, but you're the rest of it.
I think we often fall into the habit of thinking we are smarter, or have a better way for things. And often, we do. Woman usually have a routine or step by step guide for every task. We know how to get things done smoothly and efficiently, so we can move onto the next task.
We know what works best.
Men, have a different way of doing things. And if you think you will ever get him to remember your way or do things 'right' you are very, sadly, wrong.
I do this to my husband probably 200 times every day. I either say "don't do that" or try to micro manage what he is doing.
Heres an example of what I mean:
He picked me up from work and we headed to the store. The radio was too loud so I reached over and turned it down. He turned it back up. "Don't! It can't be above 15 because its too loud and it gives me a headache." I have told him this a thousand times. So I turn it down.
The light turns red and he does't slow down fast enough so he comes to an abrupt stop behind the car. He does this all the time and I have told him over and over to not stop like that. So I get pissed off.
We get to the store and I run him through the list before he goes in. I wait in the car, and he calls me 5 minutes later asking what it was I needed again. Does he even listen? I go over it again. 4 items, just 4. He comes out of the store and he got the wrong kind of one of the things. So I get more frustrated.
I drive on the way home because I can't take his abrupt stopping one more time. We get home, and he puts the bags down just a little too hard and almost breaks a jar from it. "Don't!" I say again.
Im frustrated and he can tell, but he doesn't understand why. Why am I so mad?
Because he listens to his music too loud? He drives in a way I think is unsafe? He can't remember 4 things for 2 seconds? He doesn't remember after getting the same kind for 2 years what kind I want? He dropped the bags down? But why... He left it down after I asked. We didn't crash. He went in the store so I wouldn't have too. He got everything we needed. And he carried in all the bags. Why was I so mad that it wasn't done 'The Right Way' when it got done anyways? Why do I try so hard to make him do everything like me?
For 3 weeks I have been upset, frustrated and annoyed at this poor man. Don't get me wrong I love him to death. But I kept trying to tell him what and how to do everything. The more I talked the less he changed because it was one thing after another. I would stop listening to me too.
I had become the nagging wife, the ball and chain.
So the next day I told myself, no matter what I will "Leave Him Alone."
Whatever he did I would ignore it. I would not tell him to or not to do anything.
...It was the HARDEST day ever. The more I tried to let things go and let him be the more I noticed I had been trying to control. And it was a very. long. day. I learned I am a control freak. Everything I do has a rhyme and reason. Im very habitual. And letting him be his own person and not trying to make him like me is the hardest struggle I have in our marriage. But this is a motto I have been working on. "Leave Him Alone."
He isn't wrong just because his idea is different than mine. He is trying to do things right, and I need to give him credit for the effort for it, not just criticize his short comings. And at the end of the day the little bit of time wasted or difference in routine doesn't really matter.
Just leave him alone. It will all be ok.

When love is gone

Imagine for a minute you wake up in the middle the night and you roll over to your spouse not being there. Gone without a warning or a sound and you're suddenly left very alone.

Would you be satisfied with how you spent yesterday?

 I had this dream the other night I woke up and he was gone there was nothing I could do and my whole life changed instantly. 

It really puts into perspective how quickly everything can change and be taken away from you.

And it makes you appreciate your spouse a little bit more when you realize that there's no guarantee that you'll have them tomorrow. I think when you see someone every day and you have them in your life for so long you just expect that they will always be there

But there's 100 variables in every situation. Less than 50% of marriages make it, not everyone lives to old age, and not everyone stays together.

So make sure you value today and everything your spouse means to you. Enjoy each other, and let go of the small things. Because you never know when today is your last good day.

When your spouse becomes your roommate

Sometimes you need to treat your spouse like your roommate. Often we get into a comfortable routine with our spouse, and we begin to become more relaxed about our day today duties. If you were not married to this person would you still act the same? I know lately I haven't been feeling well and I've let my chores get away from me. My husband, being the sweetheart that he is, has taken over a lot of my work, and I feel like it has helped enable me to be a lazy because he so helpful. I had to take a step back and realize that if he was my roommate and not my spouse he would treat me a lot different. He would expect me to do my part and he would probably say something when it wasn't done.

If you walk into a bathroom full of dirty laundry and make up everywhere that your roommate left out, you would probably leave it there and confront them when They get home. But my husband will just clean it up and doesn't say anything about it. Which is a very sweet way to show he loves me. But we need to make sure that we are not taking advantage of our spouse.

It's important to clean up after yourself. But also make sure you note when he does something nice for you and thank him for it. And service goes both ways, go out of your way to do nice things for him. Clean up messes that he may have left or keep quiet about something that he left out or put in the wrong place. Don't nag each other about little things. Just help each other out. Make sure you're not taking advantage of your spouse or they're not taking advantage of you. Everybody needs to do their part and help out together. And make a note to go out of your way more often and do things for your spouse. It will help build love and support in your home.

Its the small things...

When you are upset, had a bad day, or just because he wants to show you that he cares- You get flowers. Its what men do. They have been told over and over that woman love flowers.

Do we though? Why do we love flowers? They just die. They don't really do anything. We don't use them, we just set them down and watch them slowly wilt day by day.
So what is it about flowers that brings us so much joy?

Every time you walk past and see that vase, sitting sweetly there glowing with color and sweet smells, you are reminded that you are loved. That someone appreciates you and wants you to feel better. And they cared enough to go out of their way to bring you this small gesture of affection.

So what can we as woman do, to show that same love, and appreciation for the man in our lives? What are the small gestures we can do to make them feel good?

Its the big question "What is a mans 'flower'". He knows what to get and do for you- so how to you return the gift?

So here are a few of the main ways you can show love and appreciation to your man:

1. Write him a letter. Or even a cute note. Hide it in his work clothes, or book or drawer.
2. Words of Affirmation. Tell him how much you love and appreciate what he does. Tell him how safe and happy he makes you feel. How great of a spouse he is. How well he takes care of you.
3. Make his favorite dinner/dessert.
4. Clean and organize his truck, or shop or manacle whatever. A place or thing that is his that could use a bit of help. Do something to lighten his load.
5. Plan an activity that he likes. Rent his favorite movie. Get him some targets and go shooting together. Plan an over night camp out.
6. Make him a gift. Get him something he needs. A pocket knife, or tool. Or make him a phonebook.
7. Do his chores. Mow the lawn or do all his laundry or take care of some of his work so he doesn't have to worry about it.
8. Put some cash and a sticky in his pocket so he finds it when he's out.

There are so many little things you can do that say "I love you and I appreciate you too." Just think outside of the box and look for ways to make him smile.

Are you Soul Mates?

I am a true believer that we all have Soul mates. People we were destined to find, that fate brings you together because you belong to each other through some greater power.
I married my husband a short 6 months after meeting him, because I knew our souls belonged to each other and had loved one another since before this life.
So how do you know when you've found the one? Its the ultimate question everyone wants to know. What does True Love feel like and how will I know?

For me it was like we clicked. Something happened that first day we spent together and I needed to see him again. I needed to spend more time with him. I just wanted to be with him. He was all I could think about. And everything just feel into place so easy and naturally, nothing was forced.
I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time, its just something that happened.

A few truths to the "Rules of Love" you may have heard:

• You have to love yourself first. Be confident in who you are. And know that your worth is not dictated by your relationship or lack of one.
• You can not force things. If its meant to happen it will. And even though you may feel like you love this person and it 'has to work out', there may be better things waiting for you around the corner. Don't stay in a relationship because your afraid of not having another one.
• If its meant to be- it will be. Simple as that. If you truly are soul-mates, that greater power will bring you together.

Below is a list of ways you can tell if you are potential soul mates. But just because you make the list doesn't mean it will for sure happen or not. 

1. You can convey what you're thinking by just looking at each other.
2. You can't even remember what it was like to be without them — and you don't want to!
3. They challenge you/Make you a better person every day.
4. They know exactly what to do to calm you down when you're mad, to help relieve your stress, or to cheer you up.
5. They also know exactly what to do to get under your skin . . . and they at least attempt to not do those things.
6. Even after years of being together, you still have great chemistry.
7. You are completely comfortable in their presence.
8. After spending a few days apart, you both talk a mile a minute to catch each other up on everything you both missed.
9. It feels like you've known each other your whole lives.
10. You disagree on some things, but are always on the same page when it really matters.
11. You have a bond that people around you don't understand.
12. Their family feels like your own family.
13. You don't feel the need to keep searching for more because you are so at peace with what you have.
14. You hurt when they hurt; you smile when they smile.
15. They are part of almost every story you tell.
16. They think the weird, quirky things you do are adorable, and you feel the same way about them, too.
17. You are a better person with them than without them.
18. They support you and your dreams — even if they don't entirely understand them.
19. You are a dynamic duo, a perfect pair, a true team.
20. You feel protected by them and secure in your relationship.
21. For the first time in your life, you realize that home is not a place, but a person.
22. In some ways, you have become pretty much the same person.
23. You are your best and worst self around them, and they love you for both.
24. You know, in your gut, that this is it for you.

http://www.popsugar.com/love/Signs-Youve-Found-Your-Soul-Mate-35421825

Will Your Marriage Last?

Studies show that the newlywed years can foretell the long-term outcome of almost every marriage.

Read the original article here: Psychology Today: Will your Marriage Last?

Ted Huston, Ph.D., a professor of human ecology and psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, showcased a long-term study or married couples and the ability to forecast the future of their marriage.
Huston found that how well spouses got along as newlyweds affected their future, but the major distinguishing factor between those who divorced and those who remained married was the amount of change in the relationship over its first two years.
"The first two years are key--that's when the risk of divorce is particularly high," he says. "And the changes that take place during this time tell us a lot about where the marriage is headed."

Those who remained happily married were very "in love" and affectionate as newlyweds. They were more sure about their partner, expressed negative feelings less often and viewed their mate more positively than other couples. Most importantly, these feelings remained stable over time. 

On the other hand, many couples who divorced after several years together were also very affectionate as newlyweds, but they gradually became less loving, more negative, and more critical of their spouse.

The experiences of the couples who divorced showed that loss of initial levels of love and affection, rather than conflict, was the greatest cause of distress and divorce. This loss sends the relationship into a downward spiral, leading to increased bickering and fighting, and to the collapse of the union.

"My own research speaks to `loss of intimacy,' in the sense that when people first become close they feel a tremendous sense of validation from each other, like their partner is the only other person on earth who sees things as they do. That feeling sometimes fades, and when it does, it can take a heavy toll on the marriage."

Huston also goes onto say that couples are most vulnerable to disillusionment when their courtship is brief. In a whirlwind romance, it's easy to paint an unrealistically 'rosy' picture of the relationship, one that cannot be sustained. 

Another Red Flag for relationships is a courtship filled with drama and driven by external circumstances.

A main feature that distinguishes those couples who remain together from those who eventually split up, are those who establish patterns of behavior early and maintain them over time. This highlights stability in the relationship.

All married couples eventually lose a bit of that honeymoon euphoria, those who remain married don't consider this a crushing blow, but rather a natural transition from "romantic relationship" to "working partnership." And when conflict does arise, they diffuse it with various constructive coping mechanisms.

A good relationship is a romance built on a solid foundation of love and affection, and on honesty and intimacy. 

Also, having time to "paint realistic portraits of one another" and see their partner in honest light rather than a rosy illusion of the whirlwind romance, lessens the chances of a rude awakening after marriage. 

Take the Marriage Quiz Here.

Most of the content in this post is direct verbatim from Psychology Today Magazine. 

31 Things everyone Woman needs to understand about Men

1.  You can't change him. Every girl thinks that she's magically able to change him for the better, but in reality this is false. And if you want to change him instead of loving him for the person he is, your relationship is not going to work. So either accept him for who he is, or find the guy you want him to be in someone else. 
2. Never Criticize his Mother. If he has something negative to say and you agree with him thats ok. But don't ever bring it up first. Personally I believe that in laws are taboo subjects and you should never speak negatively of any of his family, as you wouldn't want him to do to yours.
3. You have to Let things Go. Don't bring up stuff from the past. And once you resolve an argument, let to be and forget about it. You can't move on or make progress if your always bringing up the past.
4. You can't bombard him the second he walks in the door. Guys need at least 15 minutes, usually around an hour, to relax and get the stress of work off their minds. Don't bug him with a million questions or things to do until you give him some 'Him Time'. Just kiss him when he comes home. Be an open ear he can vent to. And wait until he is ready before you start flooding him with all the stories, questions, and chores for the day.
5.  He will never like your guy friends. Its ok to keep in touch with friends of your past (as long as you never dated any of them) but once you two are together your other friends should not be a big part of your life. And if you are messaging them, or visit ever, always include your guy. Treat your guy friends how you would want I'm to treat his Female friends of his past.
6.  He wants you to seduce him. Don't make him instigate every time. Be sexy and seductive every now and then. And don't be afraid to get a little crazy, try new things, and spice things up.
7.  He notices when you wear jewelry he buys you. Which means he also knows how often you don't wear it. And when he spends a pretty penny on something special like that, so your appreciation. The more expensive it was the more you should wear it. How would you like it if you bought him something and he never used it?
8. He needs you to need him. Make him feel like you honestly could not survive without him. Tell him how important he is. Make him feel loved and appreciated. And ask him to do things for you once in awhile, like opening hard jars or killing bugs. lol Idk why but it boosts their man ego.
9. You still need to try hard to be sexy. Just because he tells you your beautiful and don't need makeup, and your not fat… Does NOT mean you can lounge around in yoga pants every day and eat what you want. Men are visual. And even though he may love you no matter what- he will miss the sexy girl he first fell in love with. And he may not find you as attractive over time if you never try get all dressed up for him.
10. Ultimatums will not work. Don't ever try to make him do something. Speak openly and honestly about what you want or need. And be considerate. Thats really the only way to get what you need from him and keep a good relationship.
11. He wants Kids. All growing up I thought it was the woman who wanted babies. But as I got older I realized a lot of woman are totally ok with not shoving a watermelon out of them. lol But theres something about men and babies, its in their DNA. Make sure you have kids when you are both ready. But understand that kids are his legacy and he's going to want that when he gets older.
12. He knows when your lying to him. Even if he doesn't know what your being dishonest about, he can tell when your not being totally honest with him
13. He wants you to enjoy his hobbies with him. If he likes guns, your gonna have to learn to shoot. War movies? He wants you to cuddle and watch them and not whine and criticize them. Sports? You better learn to rules. Its a good way to bond and spend time together. And he will think your so much hotter for getting involved.
14. You should always take his side. Within reason. But always have his back, and take his side in public. You would want his support and backup, and he wants yours.
15. He wants you to bring new things to his life. Don't push things on him. But tell him or show him things you like and experiences you want. Help him grow as a person, and expand his horizons.
16. You have to tell him exactly what you want. Don't be vague, don't hint at things, don't make him guess. Because he probably won't catch on. Just be open and straight forward.
17. He wants you by his side. Don't go places and split up. Don't wait in the car. Don't leave his side or make him do things alone if you can help it. If upper his other half he wants you to make him whole.
18. He needs you to help him achieve his dreams and goals. You need to support and inspire him to be a better person, to reach his goals, to achieve his dreams. "Behind every great man is a great woman" and that great woman helped him get there. Never tell him how hard it will be, or why things he wishes for won't work. If you don't have faith in him, he won't in himself.
19. Don't be afraid to tell him about what you want in bed, or talk about your weird fantasys. Its nothing compared to what he's thinking. And be willing to try new things he wants. Its better to give then to receive and being open to trying weird crazy things opens new doors in your sex life, you won't regret.
20. He needs to lean on you sometimes. Let him talk to you about things, but don't try to make him talk about his feelings. Sometimes he just needs to know you are there for him no matter what, and you don't think he's weak for it. You will love and support him even in times of weakness and grief.
21. Don't ever make him feel like less of a man. Don't make him feel weak, or sensitive, or like you don't need his help. He has to feel like he's doing his job as the Man of the house. Let him wear the pants, even if your the one telling him which ones to wear.
22. He doesn't want to hear about your past relationships. He doesn't want to hear stories about your guy friends, or weirdos you dated, or guys that you liked. You should be open and honest about what you've done in your past if he asks. But you should not bring up other men. Ever.
23. He wants to know he's the best lover you've ever had. Tell him how great he is. How sweet. How good he takes care of you. And that he is the most amazing at Sex.
24. Let him be a gentleman. Let him open doors for you and carry your things. Its how he was taught to show love and respect to you. Don't take that away from him or let him feel unappreciated for it.
25. You should let him win sometimes. Don't always be better at him, especially at things he loves. Help his ego and let him win sometimes too. 
26. He always wants a BJ. And its better if you don't even ask him, just go for it. He will go crazy.  He's never going to say no.
27. He needs quite time once in awhile. Don't be offended if he wants some alone time, or to go out by himself to shoot a few rounds or play some golf. Everyone needs a little time for themselves once in awhile. And make sure that your not talking his ear off 24/7 because he can only handle so much before he stops listening.
28. You should compliment him more. Guys like to hear things like, you look super sexy today, or you are so amazing, I love your ______, ect… You love it when he tells you how beautiful you are and such, so make sure you compliment him too.
29. You don't always have to be right. And don't be afraid to tell him when he is right. And even if he's not right, at least validate that even though you think otherwise, you see his opinion and understand his reasoning. Agree to disagree, but don't make it about who's right or wrong. 
30. He's not as complicated as you are. He doesn't think about 1 things a thousand ways. He doesn't have ulterior motives for everything. And his feelings aren't as confusing and complex as yours are. Don't try to 'Read into' everything about him.
31. Never ever lie about Orgasms. Its his biggest fear. don't be afraid to tell him when you just didn't get there. But let him know it was good and you loved it. He needs to know he's good in bed. 

Speaking Freely

One of the best things about marriage is and should be having the ability to speak freely about anything with your partner.

The good, the bad, the weird, and the ugly. 

Don't make fun of, criticize, or belittle anything your partner says. Ever. No matter how awkward, weird, or funny you may think it is. 

You want to be able to have an openness in everything and be able to tell each other anything.

This benefits you in many ways. 

If you can talk about not only what you like, but what you dislike about your relationship, situation, or anything, in a calm and unfiltered manner you can work through almost anything in your marriage.

One of, it not the Main Problem in most marriages is Communication.

Wether thats not communicating efficiently or not at all. 

A great thing my husband taught me when we were dating was something he learned from his parents long ago. 

Fill in the blanks of the sentence. "When you _____________. I Feel ________________. I Prefer ____________."

For example. "When you make decisions with our money without me, I feel  like you don't value my opinion or equality, I would prefer if you at least consulted my opinion before you make a decision."

Its a great way to communicate how your feeling and thinking without targeting or offending your spouse.

And you need to work towards total openness. Don't ever be afraid to talk about anything. From chores, to friends, to work, or sex. Everything should be open fair ground to say your piece.

But make sure you are always considerate of your partners feelings when discussing things. And make sure you listen as much as you talk. 

And make changes where they need to be. You have to be willing to change yourself to make changes happen.

When Your Spouse needs your Full & Undivided Attention

Its always important to give your spouse and your marriage the attention it deserves. But there are a few occasions in which your spouse needs your 100% focus. And making him your focus should be a priority in these circumstances.

1. First thing in the Morning. I know for allot of you (myself included) our spouse often leaves way earlier than we do. Its still important to wake up, at least half way, and give them a good bye kiss and tell them you love them before they leave. Look at them- Yes open your eyes for a second don't just sleep mumble "Love you bye." And maybe throw in a compliment or some motivating words. Try and start each other off on a good foot for the rest of the day.
2. When you get Home. As soon as I see my husband pull up I drop what Im doing and meet him with a kiss at the door. I hug him and tell him how much I've missed him while he was at work. And now and then I remind him of how grateful I am that he goes to work everyday to provide a good life for us. 
3. On His Birthday. I make a big deal out of birthdays. He's one of those people who says its just a normal day closer to death. But I always tell him to be grateful you get to be this age. Some people didn't get that lucky. And I make a big deal out of it. The cake, gifts, sex, the whole 9 yards. And I celebrate him, and everything Im grateful he is.
4. When He is in 'On Stage'. Whenever he is the center of attention- or should be. This is anything from his work presentations, to when his family is visiting. Its time to sit back, and let him be the center of attention. And also make him the center of my focus. No phones, or distractions. Just me giving him my full and undivided attention and support.
5. When He's Sick. When he's ill you have to "Baby your baby". Wait in him hand and foot and even take some time just to cuddle and make him feel better. If he wants to be alone, then make sure nothing is going to interrupt his alone time.
6. When he is disappointed or upset. Know when to just be quite and give a listening ear. Usually he doesn't want you to try and "fix" things, he just wants to get it off his chest. And just letting him rant or vent to you can help him cope with things. Give an understanding and supportive ear to him. And just let him get it out.

 Important Times To Give Full Attention To Your Spouse www.familyshare.com

You don't have to know everything

I think the biggest misconception about marriage is that you have to, or will be able to, know your spouse 100% before your married. 

And the truth is you will never totally know them- you will learn knew things about each other every day for the rest of your lives, wether your married or not.

My "Cheat-Sheet" is a private Pinterest board I made called "Things about my Husband"
I have tons of pins of pictures and paragraphs to help me remember everything about him from his favorite kind of cake to the way he likes his towels folded.

Its a great place to keep his favorite food recipes to future gift ideas, to cute ideas on ways to tell him I love him. If he mentions something I can put things like "Today he told me it would be nice to have a drill set soon." or "Note to self- Husband hates Chocolate cake"

I plan on making one for each of my children also. It just makes life so much easier!
Who doesn't love Pinterest right?

Anyways, back to the misconception part…
     I have a lot of friends and family who are engaged for 3 years, or who have been dating for 5 and still don't feel like they know enough about their significant other to decide if they love them.
I think the main question is 'Do you Love them?' If the answer is yes than it doesn't mean you have to be able to write a novel about all the little things about them- you just have to find out if their The One.
Its more about following your heart then your head. But if you have second thoughts about committing to them… its a pretty good sign that its not The one your looking for. 

Dangerous Apps for your Marriage

Social Networks may bring you closer to people and help you form relationships, but they can also injure or destroy relationships you have.

Oh Social Media, your a blessing and a curse.

With everything and anyone being a click away - you play a dangerous game.

Think about it, what did you do on Social Networks before you were in a relationship? At one point or another you used it to connect to people, to flirt, or communicate with people privately.

Things like messenger, snapchat, twitter DM, private email, and messaging apps are especially concerning.

The best way to prevent problems with these things is to first understand why its a problem. You may think its harmless. Your not using them in ways that are secretive or suspicious. You trust your partner and they trust you. Etc.. Ect…

However, its always better to prevent a situation from happening then trying to fix it afterwards.

Even though you may never send something questionable, that doesn't mean someone wouldn't send something to you. And it doesn't mean theres not a little part in the back of your mind that wonders what if your partner is keeping things from you? And they may think the same.

Below are steps you should take now to prevent social media from potentially having the ability to negatively effect your relationship.

1. Discuss with your partner why you think its important. Don't make them feel like you don't trust them, or they shouldn't trust you. Only express that you want everything in your relationship to be 100% open and honest, and you feel like its best to 'Share' your "online-life" as transparently as your "real-life".
2. Delete Accounts from risky Networks and Apps. Snapchat is one of the worst. Anything that sends private content should be considered.
3. Open Mutual Accounts. If you want to keep Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Make a mutual account that you both use and delete your personal ones. My spouse and I have a Facebook page together, so when people message him or I we both get notified and can see the messages. Also, because both our names are on the page, people know that they can't message me something and not have him see it and vice versa. 
4.  Make all your social Networks Passwords the same. So you both have the login info and access to them constantly. Allowing each other the ability to check in on things without you knowing gives them peace of mind that nothing would happen you wouldn't want them to know about. We both have personal accounts on certain sites, but I can check on his and he can login to mine. Same goes for our emails.
5. Be comfortable with using/playing with each others phones. If your not willing to let him use your phone or pick it up and be on it whenever he wants theres probably a reason why. And the same goes for his phone. 
6. Remove Exes. Delete their numbers. Unfriend them. And don't keep communication with them. Simple as that.

And most importantly "Don't ever be afraid to tell your spouse if someone sends you something inappropriate or that makes you uncomfortable. Don't try to hide it. And don't feel guilty if you didn't instigate it." 

2 weeks after our wedding I got a text in the middle of the night. It was from a guy I used to date about a year before I met my husband. It took a minute before I knew what he sent, but once I saw what he had texted me I freaked out and deleted it right away. I was scared that if my husband saw the nude he would blame me, and it would hurt our relationship. So instead I tried to hide it and forget about it. 

When I finally did tell him it was terrible because the fact that I tried to hide it made me look guilty, and it created a trust barrier in our relationship. He always wanted to go through my messages after that. I deleted snapchat and any way someone could ever send something like that to me again. And I changed my number. 

Neither of us had caused this, but that didn't prevent someone else from causing us a problem in our relationship through private social connections.

Relationships require sacrifice and one of those sacrifices is your Social Media Connections.

5 Ways to Be a Better Wife

You don't have to be perfect, you just have to try to wake up every morning better than you were the day before.

Being a blogger myself I am always surfing the web and reading other bloggers posts. I came across this one the other day (Click image above to open original blog)

Tina, the author of Mothers Niche Lists 5 Ways to be a Better Wife. Below is a summery of her list:

1. Be interested in what he likes to do. Take time to do what he wants to do and what he enjoys.
2. Love him in a way that he loves. Respect, Help, Compliment Him.
3. Pray. Thank God for everything he's made your husband into. For blessings, and for your marriage.
4. Be Lovable. Once you become so comfortable with your spouse its easy to let yourself go. But its important to keep yourself put together. Both of you benefit from getting dressed up.
5. Be Unpredictable Surprise is the Spice of Life

Remind him every day that he married his best friend. And keep the fire going. Marriage is work, but its worth it. 

I love this quote that she had: “You LOVE those whom you SACRIFICE most for.”

Anyways, I hope this inspired you as much as it did me and I will defiantly be working towards being the wife my husband deserves. 

Go Check out Tina's blog!

A quick thought about Road Trips and Bonding Time

If you really want to get to know someone make sure you spend time with them when their having a bad day, their sad, their hungry, and their super tired.
Personality varies on circumstance, and its a good idea to try to know your significant other in all different circumstances and emotions.

My favorite thing is when My husband and I are traveling late, and he gets tired but fights to stay awake so he can be the driver. (Him sleep driving is less terrifying than me driving in the city wide awake) He goes through the whiney board fighting it phase and then goes to the crazy silly tired. I love seeing that side of him. The one where he sings weird with the radio, and takes our conversation in silly directions. And we just sit and laugh together.

Thats the best part about traveling. You can't block out each other with TV or distractions. Signal usually gets rid of phone distractions too. And you have nothing but each other to entertain one another. You get to have some interesting, deep, or amusing conversations you may not have otherwise taken the time to just sit down and have.

Appreciate the little things

I believe its most important to focus more on the positive things in every situation. Especially when it comes to people. 

If you focus on the good things about them more than the other stuff, you will see them in a more positive light and be more satisfied in your relationship. Focus on the good qualities, remember the nice things they've done, and realize all the positive things about them.

Its also important to express to people that you do notice the positive things, and that you appreciate the nice things.
Someone who feels like you notice all the good is going to try harder to please you.
If you always focus on the negative things, that person won't care, and will probably just try to irritate you more.

When it comes you your spouse, they really are trying. He may forget to take the trash out, only dry half the laundry like you've told him a million times not to do, or always leave pop cans laying around. But one day you come home and he's done all the dishes for you.
 The more you focus on that one good thing instead of all the things that kinda drive you crazy, the more you will love and appreciate him. And when you express how much you 'appreciate that he did that for you and he's so sweet, you love him so much'. The more he will love and appreciate you and the more likely it will be for him to try harder to remember the trash and laundry and pop cans. And the more you will find him doing little sweet things.

Try to notice all the little day to day things. Like the fact that he gets up before the sun to go to work to give you the things you want and need. Or that he try very hard to make sure you are happy and taken care of, putting your needs first. Or even when he remembers not to leave his dirty clothes in the bathroom. Even the tiny things are ways he's trying to love and respect you. And the more you notice and express these things the better he will become at doing them.

Who does't like to be told their doing a good job?