Speaking Freely

One of the best things about marriage is and should be having the ability to speak freely about anything with your partner.

The good, the bad, the weird, and the ugly. 

Don't make fun of, criticize, or belittle anything your partner says. Ever. No matter how awkward, weird, or funny you may think it is. 

You want to be able to have an openness in everything and be able to tell each other anything.

This benefits you in many ways. 

If you can talk about not only what you like, but what you dislike about your relationship, situation, or anything, in a calm and unfiltered manner you can work through almost anything in your marriage.

One of, it not the Main Problem in most marriages is Communication.

Wether thats not communicating efficiently or not at all. 

A great thing my husband taught me when we were dating was something he learned from his parents long ago. 

Fill in the blanks of the sentence. "When you _____________. I Feel ________________. I Prefer ____________."

For example. "When you make decisions with our money without me, I feel  like you don't value my opinion or equality, I would prefer if you at least consulted my opinion before you make a decision."

Its a great way to communicate how your feeling and thinking without targeting or offending your spouse.

And you need to work towards total openness. Don't ever be afraid to talk about anything. From chores, to friends, to work, or sex. Everything should be open fair ground to say your piece.

But make sure you are always considerate of your partners feelings when discussing things. And make sure you listen as much as you talk. 

And make changes where they need to be. You have to be willing to change yourself to make changes happen.

When Your Spouse needs your Full & Undivided Attention

Its always important to give your spouse and your marriage the attention it deserves. But there are a few occasions in which your spouse needs your 100% focus. And making him your focus should be a priority in these circumstances.

1. First thing in the Morning. I know for allot of you (myself included) our spouse often leaves way earlier than we do. Its still important to wake up, at least half way, and give them a good bye kiss and tell them you love them before they leave. Look at them- Yes open your eyes for a second don't just sleep mumble "Love you bye." And maybe throw in a compliment or some motivating words. Try and start each other off on a good foot for the rest of the day.
2. When you get Home. As soon as I see my husband pull up I drop what Im doing and meet him with a kiss at the door. I hug him and tell him how much I've missed him while he was at work. And now and then I remind him of how grateful I am that he goes to work everyday to provide a good life for us. 
3. On His Birthday. I make a big deal out of birthdays. He's one of those people who says its just a normal day closer to death. But I always tell him to be grateful you get to be this age. Some people didn't get that lucky. And I make a big deal out of it. The cake, gifts, sex, the whole 9 yards. And I celebrate him, and everything Im grateful he is.
4. When He is in 'On Stage'. Whenever he is the center of attention- or should be. This is anything from his work presentations, to when his family is visiting. Its time to sit back, and let him be the center of attention. And also make him the center of my focus. No phones, or distractions. Just me giving him my full and undivided attention and support.
5. When He's Sick. When he's ill you have to "Baby your baby". Wait in him hand and foot and even take some time just to cuddle and make him feel better. If he wants to be alone, then make sure nothing is going to interrupt his alone time.
6. When he is disappointed or upset. Know when to just be quite and give a listening ear. Usually he doesn't want you to try and "fix" things, he just wants to get it off his chest. And just letting him rant or vent to you can help him cope with things. Give an understanding and supportive ear to him. And just let him get it out.

 Important Times To Give Full Attention To Your Spouse www.familyshare.com

You don't have to know everything

I think the biggest misconception about marriage is that you have to, or will be able to, know your spouse 100% before your married. 

And the truth is you will never totally know them- you will learn knew things about each other every day for the rest of your lives, wether your married or not.

My "Cheat-Sheet" is a private Pinterest board I made called "Things about my Husband"
I have tons of pins of pictures and paragraphs to help me remember everything about him from his favorite kind of cake to the way he likes his towels folded.

Its a great place to keep his favorite food recipes to future gift ideas, to cute ideas on ways to tell him I love him. If he mentions something I can put things like "Today he told me it would be nice to have a drill set soon." or "Note to self- Husband hates Chocolate cake"

I plan on making one for each of my children also. It just makes life so much easier!
Who doesn't love Pinterest right?

Anyways, back to the misconception part…
     I have a lot of friends and family who are engaged for 3 years, or who have been dating for 5 and still don't feel like they know enough about their significant other to decide if they love them.
I think the main question is 'Do you Love them?' If the answer is yes than it doesn't mean you have to be able to write a novel about all the little things about them- you just have to find out if their The One.
Its more about following your heart then your head. But if you have second thoughts about committing to them… its a pretty good sign that its not The one your looking for. 

Dangerous Apps for your Marriage

Social Networks may bring you closer to people and help you form relationships, but they can also injure or destroy relationships you have.

Oh Social Media, your a blessing and a curse.

With everything and anyone being a click away - you play a dangerous game.

Think about it, what did you do on Social Networks before you were in a relationship? At one point or another you used it to connect to people, to flirt, or communicate with people privately.

Things like messenger, snapchat, twitter DM, private email, and messaging apps are especially concerning.

The best way to prevent problems with these things is to first understand why its a problem. You may think its harmless. Your not using them in ways that are secretive or suspicious. You trust your partner and they trust you. Etc.. Ect…

However, its always better to prevent a situation from happening then trying to fix it afterwards.

Even though you may never send something questionable, that doesn't mean someone wouldn't send something to you. And it doesn't mean theres not a little part in the back of your mind that wonders what if your partner is keeping things from you? And they may think the same.

Below are steps you should take now to prevent social media from potentially having the ability to negatively effect your relationship.

1. Discuss with your partner why you think its important. Don't make them feel like you don't trust them, or they shouldn't trust you. Only express that you want everything in your relationship to be 100% open and honest, and you feel like its best to 'Share' your "online-life" as transparently as your "real-life".
2. Delete Accounts from risky Networks and Apps. Snapchat is one of the worst. Anything that sends private content should be considered.
3. Open Mutual Accounts. If you want to keep Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Make a mutual account that you both use and delete your personal ones. My spouse and I have a Facebook page together, so when people message him or I we both get notified and can see the messages. Also, because both our names are on the page, people know that they can't message me something and not have him see it and vice versa. 
4.  Make all your social Networks Passwords the same. So you both have the login info and access to them constantly. Allowing each other the ability to check in on things without you knowing gives them peace of mind that nothing would happen you wouldn't want them to know about. We both have personal accounts on certain sites, but I can check on his and he can login to mine. Same goes for our emails.
5. Be comfortable with using/playing with each others phones. If your not willing to let him use your phone or pick it up and be on it whenever he wants theres probably a reason why. And the same goes for his phone. 
6. Remove Exes. Delete their numbers. Unfriend them. And don't keep communication with them. Simple as that.

And most importantly "Don't ever be afraid to tell your spouse if someone sends you something inappropriate or that makes you uncomfortable. Don't try to hide it. And don't feel guilty if you didn't instigate it." 

2 weeks after our wedding I got a text in the middle of the night. It was from a guy I used to date about a year before I met my husband. It took a minute before I knew what he sent, but once I saw what he had texted me I freaked out and deleted it right away. I was scared that if my husband saw the nude he would blame me, and it would hurt our relationship. So instead I tried to hide it and forget about it. 

When I finally did tell him it was terrible because the fact that I tried to hide it made me look guilty, and it created a trust barrier in our relationship. He always wanted to go through my messages after that. I deleted snapchat and any way someone could ever send something like that to me again. And I changed my number. 

Neither of us had caused this, but that didn't prevent someone else from causing us a problem in our relationship through private social connections.

Relationships require sacrifice and one of those sacrifices is your Social Media Connections.

5 Ways to Be a Better Wife

You don't have to be perfect, you just have to try to wake up every morning better than you were the day before.

Being a blogger myself I am always surfing the web and reading other bloggers posts. I came across this one the other day (Click image above to open original blog)

Tina, the author of Mothers Niche Lists 5 Ways to be a Better Wife. Below is a summery of her list:

1. Be interested in what he likes to do. Take time to do what he wants to do and what he enjoys.
2. Love him in a way that he loves. Respect, Help, Compliment Him.
3. Pray. Thank God for everything he's made your husband into. For blessings, and for your marriage.
4. Be Lovable. Once you become so comfortable with your spouse its easy to let yourself go. But its important to keep yourself put together. Both of you benefit from getting dressed up.
5. Be Unpredictable Surprise is the Spice of Life

Remind him every day that he married his best friend. And keep the fire going. Marriage is work, but its worth it. 

I love this quote that she had: “You LOVE those whom you SACRIFICE most for.”

Anyways, I hope this inspired you as much as it did me and I will defiantly be working towards being the wife my husband deserves. 

Go Check out Tina's blog!

A quick thought about Road Trips and Bonding Time

If you really want to get to know someone make sure you spend time with them when their having a bad day, their sad, their hungry, and their super tired.
Personality varies on circumstance, and its a good idea to try to know your significant other in all different circumstances and emotions.

My favorite thing is when My husband and I are traveling late, and he gets tired but fights to stay awake so he can be the driver. (Him sleep driving is less terrifying than me driving in the city wide awake) He goes through the whiney board fighting it phase and then goes to the crazy silly tired. I love seeing that side of him. The one where he sings weird with the radio, and takes our conversation in silly directions. And we just sit and laugh together.

Thats the best part about traveling. You can't block out each other with TV or distractions. Signal usually gets rid of phone distractions too. And you have nothing but each other to entertain one another. You get to have some interesting, deep, or amusing conversations you may not have otherwise taken the time to just sit down and have.

Appreciate the little things

I believe its most important to focus more on the positive things in every situation. Especially when it comes to people. 

If you focus on the good things about them more than the other stuff, you will see them in a more positive light and be more satisfied in your relationship. Focus on the good qualities, remember the nice things they've done, and realize all the positive things about them.

Its also important to express to people that you do notice the positive things, and that you appreciate the nice things.
Someone who feels like you notice all the good is going to try harder to please you.
If you always focus on the negative things, that person won't care, and will probably just try to irritate you more.

When it comes you your spouse, they really are trying. He may forget to take the trash out, only dry half the laundry like you've told him a million times not to do, or always leave pop cans laying around. But one day you come home and he's done all the dishes for you.
 The more you focus on that one good thing instead of all the things that kinda drive you crazy, the more you will love and appreciate him. And when you express how much you 'appreciate that he did that for you and he's so sweet, you love him so much'. The more he will love and appreciate you and the more likely it will be for him to try harder to remember the trash and laundry and pop cans. And the more you will find him doing little sweet things.

Try to notice all the little day to day things. Like the fact that he gets up before the sun to go to work to give you the things you want and need. Or that he try very hard to make sure you are happy and taken care of, putting your needs first. Or even when he remembers not to leave his dirty clothes in the bathroom. Even the tiny things are ways he's trying to love and respect you. And the more you notice and express these things the better he will become at doing them.

Who does't like to be told their doing a good job?