Leave Him Alone

Its a well known stereotype that wife's are nagging and controlling. You hear it all the time. Guys complaining about their 'Ball and Chain', being 'whipped' or having to 'ask the woman'.
Even woman know that they are the 'bosses' of their home. He may be the head of the household, but you're the rest of it.
I think we often fall into the habit of thinking we are smarter, or have a better way for things. And often, we do. Woman usually have a routine or step by step guide for every task. We know how to get things done smoothly and efficiently, so we can move onto the next task.
We know what works best.
Men, have a different way of doing things. And if you think you will ever get him to remember your way or do things 'right' you are very, sadly, wrong.
I do this to my husband probably 200 times every day. I either say "don't do that" or try to micro manage what he is doing.
Heres an example of what I mean:
He picked me up from work and we headed to the store. The radio was too loud so I reached over and turned it down. He turned it back up. "Don't! It can't be above 15 because its too loud and it gives me a headache." I have told him this a thousand times. So I turn it down.
The light turns red and he does't slow down fast enough so he comes to an abrupt stop behind the car. He does this all the time and I have told him over and over to not stop like that. So I get pissed off.
We get to the store and I run him through the list before he goes in. I wait in the car, and he calls me 5 minutes later asking what it was I needed again. Does he even listen? I go over it again. 4 items, just 4. He comes out of the store and he got the wrong kind of one of the things. So I get more frustrated.
I drive on the way home because I can't take his abrupt stopping one more time. We get home, and he puts the bags down just a little too hard and almost breaks a jar from it. "Don't!" I say again.
Im frustrated and he can tell, but he doesn't understand why. Why am I so mad?
Because he listens to his music too loud? He drives in a way I think is unsafe? He can't remember 4 things for 2 seconds? He doesn't remember after getting the same kind for 2 years what kind I want? He dropped the bags down? But why... He left it down after I asked. We didn't crash. He went in the store so I wouldn't have too. He got everything we needed. And he carried in all the bags. Why was I so mad that it wasn't done 'The Right Way' when it got done anyways? Why do I try so hard to make him do everything like me?
For 3 weeks I have been upset, frustrated and annoyed at this poor man. Don't get me wrong I love him to death. But I kept trying to tell him what and how to do everything. The more I talked the less he changed because it was one thing after another. I would stop listening to me too.
I had become the nagging wife, the ball and chain.
So the next day I told myself, no matter what I will "Leave Him Alone."
Whatever he did I would ignore it. I would not tell him to or not to do anything.
...It was the HARDEST day ever. The more I tried to let things go and let him be the more I noticed I had been trying to control. And it was a very. long. day. I learned I am a control freak. Everything I do has a rhyme and reason. Im very habitual. And letting him be his own person and not trying to make him like me is the hardest struggle I have in our marriage. But this is a motto I have been working on. "Leave Him Alone."
He isn't wrong just because his idea is different than mine. He is trying to do things right, and I need to give him credit for the effort for it, not just criticize his short comings. And at the end of the day the little bit of time wasted or difference in routine doesn't really matter.
Just leave him alone. It will all be ok.

When love is gone

Imagine for a minute you wake up in the middle the night and you roll over to your spouse not being there. Gone without a warning or a sound and you're suddenly left very alone.

Would you be satisfied with how you spent yesterday?

 I had this dream the other night I woke up and he was gone there was nothing I could do and my whole life changed instantly. 

It really puts into perspective how quickly everything can change and be taken away from you.

And it makes you appreciate your spouse a little bit more when you realize that there's no guarantee that you'll have them tomorrow. I think when you see someone every day and you have them in your life for so long you just expect that they will always be there

But there's 100 variables in every situation. Less than 50% of marriages make it, not everyone lives to old age, and not everyone stays together.

So make sure you value today and everything your spouse means to you. Enjoy each other, and let go of the small things. Because you never know when today is your last good day.

When your spouse becomes your roommate

Sometimes you need to treat your spouse like your roommate. Often we get into a comfortable routine with our spouse, and we begin to become more relaxed about our day today duties. If you were not married to this person would you still act the same? I know lately I haven't been feeling well and I've let my chores get away from me. My husband, being the sweetheart that he is, has taken over a lot of my work, and I feel like it has helped enable me to be a lazy because he so helpful. I had to take a step back and realize that if he was my roommate and not my spouse he would treat me a lot different. He would expect me to do my part and he would probably say something when it wasn't done.

If you walk into a bathroom full of dirty laundry and make up everywhere that your roommate left out, you would probably leave it there and confront them when They get home. But my husband will just clean it up and doesn't say anything about it. Which is a very sweet way to show he loves me. But we need to make sure that we are not taking advantage of our spouse.

It's important to clean up after yourself. But also make sure you note when he does something nice for you and thank him for it. And service goes both ways, go out of your way to do nice things for him. Clean up messes that he may have left or keep quiet about something that he left out or put in the wrong place. Don't nag each other about little things. Just help each other out. Make sure you're not taking advantage of your spouse or they're not taking advantage of you. Everybody needs to do their part and help out together. And make a note to go out of your way more often and do things for your spouse. It will help build love and support in your home.

Its the small things...

When you are upset, had a bad day, or just because he wants to show you that he cares- You get flowers. Its what men do. They have been told over and over that woman love flowers.

Do we though? Why do we love flowers? They just die. They don't really do anything. We don't use them, we just set them down and watch them slowly wilt day by day.
So what is it about flowers that brings us so much joy?

Every time you walk past and see that vase, sitting sweetly there glowing with color and sweet smells, you are reminded that you are loved. That someone appreciates you and wants you to feel better. And they cared enough to go out of their way to bring you this small gesture of affection.

So what can we as woman do, to show that same love, and appreciation for the man in our lives? What are the small gestures we can do to make them feel good?

Its the big question "What is a mans 'flower'". He knows what to get and do for you- so how to you return the gift?

So here are a few of the main ways you can show love and appreciation to your man:

1. Write him a letter. Or even a cute note. Hide it in his work clothes, or book or drawer.
2. Words of Affirmation. Tell him how much you love and appreciate what he does. Tell him how safe and happy he makes you feel. How great of a spouse he is. How well he takes care of you.
3. Make his favorite dinner/dessert.
4. Clean and organize his truck, or shop or manacle whatever. A place or thing that is his that could use a bit of help. Do something to lighten his load.
5. Plan an activity that he likes. Rent his favorite movie. Get him some targets and go shooting together. Plan an over night camp out.
6. Make him a gift. Get him something he needs. A pocket knife, or tool. Or make him a phonebook.
7. Do his chores. Mow the lawn or do all his laundry or take care of some of his work so he doesn't have to worry about it.
8. Put some cash and a sticky in his pocket so he finds it when he's out.

There are so many little things you can do that say "I love you and I appreciate you too." Just think outside of the box and look for ways to make him smile.

Are you Soul Mates?

I am a true believer that we all have Soul mates. People we were destined to find, that fate brings you together because you belong to each other through some greater power.
I married my husband a short 6 months after meeting him, because I knew our souls belonged to each other and had loved one another since before this life.
So how do you know when you've found the one? Its the ultimate question everyone wants to know. What does True Love feel like and how will I know?

For me it was like we clicked. Something happened that first day we spent together and I needed to see him again. I needed to spend more time with him. I just wanted to be with him. He was all I could think about. And everything just feel into place so easy and naturally, nothing was forced.
I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time, its just something that happened.

A few truths to the "Rules of Love" you may have heard:

• You have to love yourself first. Be confident in who you are. And know that your worth is not dictated by your relationship or lack of one.
• You can not force things. If its meant to happen it will. And even though you may feel like you love this person and it 'has to work out', there may be better things waiting for you around the corner. Don't stay in a relationship because your afraid of not having another one.
• If its meant to be- it will be. Simple as that. If you truly are soul-mates, that greater power will bring you together.

Below is a list of ways you can tell if you are potential soul mates. But just because you make the list doesn't mean it will for sure happen or not. 

1. You can convey what you're thinking by just looking at each other.
2. You can't even remember what it was like to be without them — and you don't want to!
3. They challenge you/Make you a better person every day.
4. They know exactly what to do to calm you down when you're mad, to help relieve your stress, or to cheer you up.
5. They also know exactly what to do to get under your skin . . . and they at least attempt to not do those things.
6. Even after years of being together, you still have great chemistry.
7. You are completely comfortable in their presence.
8. After spending a few days apart, you both talk a mile a minute to catch each other up on everything you both missed.
9. It feels like you've known each other your whole lives.
10. You disagree on some things, but are always on the same page when it really matters.
11. You have a bond that people around you don't understand.
12. Their family feels like your own family.
13. You don't feel the need to keep searching for more because you are so at peace with what you have.
14. You hurt when they hurt; you smile when they smile.
15. They are part of almost every story you tell.
16. They think the weird, quirky things you do are adorable, and you feel the same way about them, too.
17. You are a better person with them than without them.
18. They support you and your dreams — even if they don't entirely understand them.
19. You are a dynamic duo, a perfect pair, a true team.
20. You feel protected by them and secure in your relationship.
21. For the first time in your life, you realize that home is not a place, but a person.
22. In some ways, you have become pretty much the same person.
23. You are your best and worst self around them, and they love you for both.
24. You know, in your gut, that this is it for you.

http://www.popsugar.com/love/Signs-Youve-Found-Your-Soul-Mate-35421825

Will Your Marriage Last?

Studies show that the newlywed years can foretell the long-term outcome of almost every marriage.

Read the original article here: Psychology Today: Will your Marriage Last?

Ted Huston, Ph.D., a professor of human ecology and psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, showcased a long-term study or married couples and the ability to forecast the future of their marriage.
Huston found that how well spouses got along as newlyweds affected their future, but the major distinguishing factor between those who divorced and those who remained married was the amount of change in the relationship over its first two years.
"The first two years are key--that's when the risk of divorce is particularly high," he says. "And the changes that take place during this time tell us a lot about where the marriage is headed."

Those who remained happily married were very "in love" and affectionate as newlyweds. They were more sure about their partner, expressed negative feelings less often and viewed their mate more positively than other couples. Most importantly, these feelings remained stable over time. 

On the other hand, many couples who divorced after several years together were also very affectionate as newlyweds, but they gradually became less loving, more negative, and more critical of their spouse.

The experiences of the couples who divorced showed that loss of initial levels of love and affection, rather than conflict, was the greatest cause of distress and divorce. This loss sends the relationship into a downward spiral, leading to increased bickering and fighting, and to the collapse of the union.

"My own research speaks to `loss of intimacy,' in the sense that when people first become close they feel a tremendous sense of validation from each other, like their partner is the only other person on earth who sees things as they do. That feeling sometimes fades, and when it does, it can take a heavy toll on the marriage."

Huston also goes onto say that couples are most vulnerable to disillusionment when their courtship is brief. In a whirlwind romance, it's easy to paint an unrealistically 'rosy' picture of the relationship, one that cannot be sustained. 

Another Red Flag for relationships is a courtship filled with drama and driven by external circumstances.

A main feature that distinguishes those couples who remain together from those who eventually split up, are those who establish patterns of behavior early and maintain them over time. This highlights stability in the relationship.

All married couples eventually lose a bit of that honeymoon euphoria, those who remain married don't consider this a crushing blow, but rather a natural transition from "romantic relationship" to "working partnership." And when conflict does arise, they diffuse it with various constructive coping mechanisms.

A good relationship is a romance built on a solid foundation of love and affection, and on honesty and intimacy. 

Also, having time to "paint realistic portraits of one another" and see their partner in honest light rather than a rosy illusion of the whirlwind romance, lessens the chances of a rude awakening after marriage. 

Take the Marriage Quiz Here.

Most of the content in this post is direct verbatim from Psychology Today Magazine. 

31 Things everyone Woman needs to understand about Men

1.  You can't change him. Every girl thinks that she's magically able to change him for the better, but in reality this is false. And if you want to change him instead of loving him for the person he is, your relationship is not going to work. So either accept him for who he is, or find the guy you want him to be in someone else. 
2. Never Criticize his Mother. If he has something negative to say and you agree with him thats ok. But don't ever bring it up first. Personally I believe that in laws are taboo subjects and you should never speak negatively of any of his family, as you wouldn't want him to do to yours.
3. You have to Let things Go. Don't bring up stuff from the past. And once you resolve an argument, let to be and forget about it. You can't move on or make progress if your always bringing up the past.
4. You can't bombard him the second he walks in the door. Guys need at least 15 minutes, usually around an hour, to relax and get the stress of work off their minds. Don't bug him with a million questions or things to do until you give him some 'Him Time'. Just kiss him when he comes home. Be an open ear he can vent to. And wait until he is ready before you start flooding him with all the stories, questions, and chores for the day.
5.  He will never like your guy friends. Its ok to keep in touch with friends of your past (as long as you never dated any of them) but once you two are together your other friends should not be a big part of your life. And if you are messaging them, or visit ever, always include your guy. Treat your guy friends how you would want I'm to treat his Female friends of his past.
6.  He wants you to seduce him. Don't make him instigate every time. Be sexy and seductive every now and then. And don't be afraid to get a little crazy, try new things, and spice things up.
7.  He notices when you wear jewelry he buys you. Which means he also knows how often you don't wear it. And when he spends a pretty penny on something special like that, so your appreciation. The more expensive it was the more you should wear it. How would you like it if you bought him something and he never used it?
8. He needs you to need him. Make him feel like you honestly could not survive without him. Tell him how important he is. Make him feel loved and appreciated. And ask him to do things for you once in awhile, like opening hard jars or killing bugs. lol Idk why but it boosts their man ego.
9. You still need to try hard to be sexy. Just because he tells you your beautiful and don't need makeup, and your not fat… Does NOT mean you can lounge around in yoga pants every day and eat what you want. Men are visual. And even though he may love you no matter what- he will miss the sexy girl he first fell in love with. And he may not find you as attractive over time if you never try get all dressed up for him.
10. Ultimatums will not work. Don't ever try to make him do something. Speak openly and honestly about what you want or need. And be considerate. Thats really the only way to get what you need from him and keep a good relationship.
11. He wants Kids. All growing up I thought it was the woman who wanted babies. But as I got older I realized a lot of woman are totally ok with not shoving a watermelon out of them. lol But theres something about men and babies, its in their DNA. Make sure you have kids when you are both ready. But understand that kids are his legacy and he's going to want that when he gets older.
12. He knows when your lying to him. Even if he doesn't know what your being dishonest about, he can tell when your not being totally honest with him
13. He wants you to enjoy his hobbies with him. If he likes guns, your gonna have to learn to shoot. War movies? He wants you to cuddle and watch them and not whine and criticize them. Sports? You better learn to rules. Its a good way to bond and spend time together. And he will think your so much hotter for getting involved.
14. You should always take his side. Within reason. But always have his back, and take his side in public. You would want his support and backup, and he wants yours.
15. He wants you to bring new things to his life. Don't push things on him. But tell him or show him things you like and experiences you want. Help him grow as a person, and expand his horizons.
16. You have to tell him exactly what you want. Don't be vague, don't hint at things, don't make him guess. Because he probably won't catch on. Just be open and straight forward.
17. He wants you by his side. Don't go places and split up. Don't wait in the car. Don't leave his side or make him do things alone if you can help it. If upper his other half he wants you to make him whole.
18. He needs you to help him achieve his dreams and goals. You need to support and inspire him to be a better person, to reach his goals, to achieve his dreams. "Behind every great man is a great woman" and that great woman helped him get there. Never tell him how hard it will be, or why things he wishes for won't work. If you don't have faith in him, he won't in himself.
19. Don't be afraid to tell him about what you want in bed, or talk about your weird fantasys. Its nothing compared to what he's thinking. And be willing to try new things he wants. Its better to give then to receive and being open to trying weird crazy things opens new doors in your sex life, you won't regret.
20. He needs to lean on you sometimes. Let him talk to you about things, but don't try to make him talk about his feelings. Sometimes he just needs to know you are there for him no matter what, and you don't think he's weak for it. You will love and support him even in times of weakness and grief.
21. Don't ever make him feel like less of a man. Don't make him feel weak, or sensitive, or like you don't need his help. He has to feel like he's doing his job as the Man of the house. Let him wear the pants, even if your the one telling him which ones to wear.
22. He doesn't want to hear about your past relationships. He doesn't want to hear stories about your guy friends, or weirdos you dated, or guys that you liked. You should be open and honest about what you've done in your past if he asks. But you should not bring up other men. Ever.
23. He wants to know he's the best lover you've ever had. Tell him how great he is. How sweet. How good he takes care of you. And that he is the most amazing at Sex.
24. Let him be a gentleman. Let him open doors for you and carry your things. Its how he was taught to show love and respect to you. Don't take that away from him or let him feel unappreciated for it.
25. You should let him win sometimes. Don't always be better at him, especially at things he loves. Help his ego and let him win sometimes too. 
26. He always wants a BJ. And its better if you don't even ask him, just go for it. He will go crazy.  He's never going to say no.
27. He needs quite time once in awhile. Don't be offended if he wants some alone time, or to go out by himself to shoot a few rounds or play some golf. Everyone needs a little time for themselves once in awhile. And make sure that your not talking his ear off 24/7 because he can only handle so much before he stops listening.
28. You should compliment him more. Guys like to hear things like, you look super sexy today, or you are so amazing, I love your ______, ect… You love it when he tells you how beautiful you are and such, so make sure you compliment him too.
29. You don't always have to be right. And don't be afraid to tell him when he is right. And even if he's not right, at least validate that even though you think otherwise, you see his opinion and understand his reasoning. Agree to disagree, but don't make it about who's right or wrong. 
30. He's not as complicated as you are. He doesn't think about 1 things a thousand ways. He doesn't have ulterior motives for everything. And his feelings aren't as confusing and complex as yours are. Don't try to 'Read into' everything about him.
31. Never ever lie about Orgasms. Its his biggest fear. don't be afraid to tell him when you just didn't get there. But let him know it was good and you loved it. He needs to know he's good in bed.