You need Jesus

I grew up in a small community in Utah. A country style town where every body knew everybody. The Church (of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (aka 'Mormon')) was very popular there, as in most of Utah. Most of the population was LDS, and the community was very family and church based. So when someone happened to not be Mormon, it was the odd thing there. And even if they had a different religion, people still knew a lot about Mormon culture, because the rest of the state kind of upheld those traditions. This was back ten years ago, and Christen region wasn't under so much negative light.
Recently we moved quite far from our Mormon state to a bigger busier city. Its not as easy going and friendly here, but that has more to do with not knowing anyone than the community itself. Its hard to feel connected with a community you didn't grow up with, and have little in common.
In small talk conversations I find that a lot of people have asked where we moved from (I guess I have a bit of an accent?) and when I say we came from Utah people automatically assume "You must be Mormon then?"
The main religion here (if you are religious at all) is the Catholic Church. Which, from my understanding has a lot of the same core beliefs and standards as the Mormon church. There is 1 church here, 3 wards, maybe 1,000 members in this town. Which is odd for me coming from a place where there was 1 church practically every mile. But there are many Catholic church here (which by the way are beautiful).
Sometimes the "So you must be Mormon?" question comes out kind and curious. And often times there is a slight tone in it that makes you feel like the person asking you has some negative feeling towards it. I answer "Yes, my husband and I both are LDS" with as much confidence and positivity as I can. But its hard to not be a little nervous about stating your belief when it is not only less popular, but sometimes disliked, and you don't know what the person will say about it.
Giving yourself that label, making that statement, sets you apart and hold you to a higher standard. If you are going to proudly announce that "I am a Mormon" and you believe and follow the LDS church, you should make sure that when people meet you they feel like the Mormons are good kind people. When they think LDS they think of people like you and you want that to be a positive association. We want people to think of Mormons as kind caring and giving people. People who follow Jesus and want to spread his message and love with others. We want them to think of service and help and compassion.
In todays society Christian regions, especially Mormons, are under negative light because of the members actions concerning new cultural changes. Specifically the LGBT community and the churches stance on Gay marriage. Society has painted a dark picture on our community for being closed-minded, discriminative, hateful people. In response to my answer "Yes I am Mormon" I have been asked "So you hate gay people?" It shook me how he looked at me with disgust and pain and assumed that I hated him or thought of him as nothing more that Satans brother when he said that. "No!" I answered. "I don't hate anybody" "Well then why do you people refuse to let Gay people have rights?" he spat. "We don't. The church has rules against them being married in our church, because same sex marriage is a sin according to our religion." I explained. "BUT, the church is also against sex before marriage and doesn't allow even its members who don't obey every standard to be married in their temples either." He then asked "Well then why don't you let gay people come to your church?" to which I replied "We do. We invite everyone to come. And anyone who tells you other wise isn't following the religion either because we all break the rules and sin in one way or another. But we do not judge each other by those sins or tell people they ant welcome because of any of them." "A lot of Mormons do judge" he said. "Yes, but they are going to hell for judging you then so I wouldn't worry about it" I laughed. And he became less hostile. "Listen, I drink coffee, I like tattoos, I've had alcohol, and I had sex before I was married ok? I am not perfect. But I don't think my sins are less sinful than anything you do, and I don't hate you because of what you believe or do."
I think this is something we all need to apply and proclaim.
I know many many self righteous, better than thou, judgmental Mormons who put themselves on a pedestal and look down on others. I think it makes them feel like they are more likely to go to heaven as long as they are better than the majority of others, so they point out and pick at other people who they think are more sinful than them. But the truth is- there is not a limit on the number of people who are allowed into heaven. Just because 10 people sin some than you does not make you more likely to get into heaven because you think those 10 arn't.
I also think that a lot of them think its unfair if they play by the rules and "have less fun" than someone who screwed up and later repented is on the same level of them. Which in a way kind of is, because you naturally want gratification and awarded for doing better at something than another. But news flash- religion isn't a competition! You don't get an award, you don't get favoritism, you are equal.
God loves you. But he can love everyone else too, and it doesn't take anything away from you. But if you truly believe in God, and are trying to be like him, you need to love everyone equally. And spread that love and kindness and giving to everyone. Wether you personally agree with their life choices or not doesn't matter. If you refuse to love and accept people for who they are than why would they want to have anything to do with you or the religion you are associated with? Why would they want to believe in God if the people who are spreading his message are also spreading one of hate and discrimination? Mormons don't hate Gay people. Mormons don't hate anybody. And if you have any hate in your heart for these people, than it is you who needs Jesus.
And if you are going to say "Yes, I am a Mormon" you need to make sure you're living, dressing, and behaving like someone who is proud to be Mormon. You need to be the light that shines that brings warmth and love to others and draws them closer to God. Not someone who pushes people away or makes them feel unwanted or unworthy of Gods love. Because he loves everyone.

The Fuck-it-Bucket

I can not believe how messy your house can get when only 2 people live there. But when you graduate from newly weds to overly comfortable couple with very busy lives, your house becomes the landing zone for all your belongings and half finished projects.

Growing up, my mom made cleaning the house into a much bigger project than I thought it needed to be. Why spend hours cleaning and detailing and organizing your house, when it only becomes a mess again by the end of the day? What a waste of time I could be doing something else. So if you are looking for an overly organized way to meticulously clean your house this is the wrong place. This is more the way to clean your house quickly and efficiently then here you are.

First off you will need 2 Landry baskets, a trash bag, and a large storage tub with a lid like this: 

Take things 1 room at a time. The first basket will be for laundry, the second for everything that goes in the room you are currently cleaning, and the storage tub is for all the odd things that don't exactly have a place. Like a huge junk drawer, I call it the 'Fuck it Bucket'

So turn on the music and sort through each room as quickly as possible, Trash, laundry, room stuff, everything else. After each room put away the contents of the 'room basket' and move on. When all the rooms are sorted then run through the house with window cleaner, wipe down counters, dust and vacuum. Each room should take no more than 10 minutes. Then snap the tub closed and put it in a coat closet.

The best part of the Fuck-it-Bucket is that whenever your spouse, or other family members ask where  something is direct them to the bucket where they have to dig through the entire contents. Soon you will be amazed by what is left out for you to pick up because they are sick of having to dig their crap out after you pick it up.

Try it out, give it a week. Let me know what you think.

Parenting a young... husband?

As the first year of bliss wears off you start to realize that you now have a full grown man child in your life. Undoubtably you either have cried or will cry from frustration when you just can not get him to behave. It is one of those things that everyone struggles with and everyone learns to accept. Yes Accept. It. Will. Never. Change.
From telling him how to drive. To behave in a public place. To stop saying this. Quit doing that. Please don't. Knock it off. Be Careful. Wear your seatbelt. Turn that down. Be gentle with that. Dont put that there. Where did you put this? Close that. Ect...
It never stops. You will get more and more annoyed at each little thing. And why does it bother you so?
Because they don't listen. They don't stop. It goes in one ear, out the other, and five minutes later they are doing exactly what you told them not to.
You give them specific instructions, ask them to repeat them to you, and when they come back they still did it wrong.

What do you do?
The honest answer is 'Let it go'. You are your own person, with your own habits and rules for everything. But at the end of the day they are their own person too. They will do it their own way. Even if that way is harder, more dangerous, and socially frowned upon. All you can do is shake your head.
You could try to nag them over and over again. But that only causes friction between you, and not the good kind. The good news is every now and then they learn from experience and become wiser.

But the moral of the story is, you can't be a wife and a Parent. You can't micromanage a man. And the best motto in life came from a Disney Princess who ironically doesn't have a man to deal with.

Leave Him Alone

Its a well known stereotype that wife's are nagging and controlling. You hear it all the time. Guys complaining about their 'Ball and Chain', being 'whipped' or having to 'ask the woman'.
Even woman know that they are the 'bosses' of their home. He may be the head of the household, but you're the rest of it.
I think we often fall into the habit of thinking we are smarter, or have a better way for things. And often, we do. Woman usually have a routine or step by step guide for every task. We know how to get things done smoothly and efficiently, so we can move onto the next task.
We know what works best.
Men, have a different way of doing things. And if you think you will ever get him to remember your way or do things 'right' you are very, sadly, wrong.
I do this to my husband probably 200 times every day. I either say "don't do that" or try to micro manage what he is doing.
Heres an example of what I mean:
He picked me up from work and we headed to the store. The radio was too loud so I reached over and turned it down. He turned it back up. "Don't! It can't be above 15 because its too loud and it gives me a headache." I have told him this a thousand times. So I turn it down.
The light turns red and he does't slow down fast enough so he comes to an abrupt stop behind the car. He does this all the time and I have told him over and over to not stop like that. So I get pissed off.
We get to the store and I run him through the list before he goes in. I wait in the car, and he calls me 5 minutes later asking what it was I needed again. Does he even listen? I go over it again. 4 items, just 4. He comes out of the store and he got the wrong kind of one of the things. So I get more frustrated.
I drive on the way home because I can't take his abrupt stopping one more time. We get home, and he puts the bags down just a little too hard and almost breaks a jar from it. "Don't!" I say again.
Im frustrated and he can tell, but he doesn't understand why. Why am I so mad?
Because he listens to his music too loud? He drives in a way I think is unsafe? He can't remember 4 things for 2 seconds? He doesn't remember after getting the same kind for 2 years what kind I want? He dropped the bags down? But why... He left it down after I asked. We didn't crash. He went in the store so I wouldn't have too. He got everything we needed. And he carried in all the bags. Why was I so mad that it wasn't done 'The Right Way' when it got done anyways? Why do I try so hard to make him do everything like me?
For 3 weeks I have been upset, frustrated and annoyed at this poor man. Don't get me wrong I love him to death. But I kept trying to tell him what and how to do everything. The more I talked the less he changed because it was one thing after another. I would stop listening to me too.
I had become the nagging wife, the ball and chain.
So the next day I told myself, no matter what I will "Leave Him Alone."
Whatever he did I would ignore it. I would not tell him to or not to do anything.
...It was the HARDEST day ever. The more I tried to let things go and let him be the more I noticed I had been trying to control. And it was a very. long. day. I learned I am a control freak. Everything I do has a rhyme and reason. Im very habitual. And letting him be his own person and not trying to make him like me is the hardest struggle I have in our marriage. But this is a motto I have been working on. "Leave Him Alone."
He isn't wrong just because his idea is different than mine. He is trying to do things right, and I need to give him credit for the effort for it, not just criticize his short comings. And at the end of the day the little bit of time wasted or difference in routine doesn't really matter.
Just leave him alone. It will all be ok.

When love is gone

Imagine for a minute you wake up in the middle the night and you roll over to your spouse not being there. Gone without a warning or a sound and you're suddenly left very alone.

Would you be satisfied with how you spent yesterday?

 I had this dream the other night I woke up and he was gone there was nothing I could do and my whole life changed instantly. 

It really puts into perspective how quickly everything can change and be taken away from you.

And it makes you appreciate your spouse a little bit more when you realize that there's no guarantee that you'll have them tomorrow. I think when you see someone every day and you have them in your life for so long you just expect that they will always be there

But there's 100 variables in every situation. Less than 50% of marriages make it, not everyone lives to old age, and not everyone stays together.

So make sure you value today and everything your spouse means to you. Enjoy each other, and let go of the small things. Because you never know when today is your last good day.

When your spouse becomes your roommate

Sometimes you need to treat your spouse like your roommate. Often we get into a comfortable routine with our spouse, and we begin to become more relaxed about our day today duties. If you were not married to this person would you still act the same? I know lately I haven't been feeling well and I've let my chores get away from me. My husband, being the sweetheart that he is, has taken over a lot of my work, and I feel like it has helped enable me to be a lazy because he so helpful. I had to take a step back and realize that if he was my roommate and not my spouse he would treat me a lot different. He would expect me to do my part and he would probably say something when it wasn't done.

If you walk into a bathroom full of dirty laundry and make up everywhere that your roommate left out, you would probably leave it there and confront them when They get home. But my husband will just clean it up and doesn't say anything about it. Which is a very sweet way to show he loves me. But we need to make sure that we are not taking advantage of our spouse.

It's important to clean up after yourself. But also make sure you note when he does something nice for you and thank him for it. And service goes both ways, go out of your way to do nice things for him. Clean up messes that he may have left or keep quiet about something that he left out or put in the wrong place. Don't nag each other about little things. Just help each other out. Make sure you're not taking advantage of your spouse or they're not taking advantage of you. Everybody needs to do their part and help out together. And make a note to go out of your way more often and do things for your spouse. It will help build love and support in your home.

Its the small things...

When you are upset, had a bad day, or just because he wants to show you that he cares- You get flowers. Its what men do. They have been told over and over that woman love flowers.

Do we though? Why do we love flowers? They just die. They don't really do anything. We don't use them, we just set them down and watch them slowly wilt day by day.
So what is it about flowers that brings us so much joy?

Every time you walk past and see that vase, sitting sweetly there glowing with color and sweet smells, you are reminded that you are loved. That someone appreciates you and wants you to feel better. And they cared enough to go out of their way to bring you this small gesture of affection.

So what can we as woman do, to show that same love, and appreciation for the man in our lives? What are the small gestures we can do to make them feel good?

Its the big question "What is a mans 'flower'". He knows what to get and do for you- so how to you return the gift?

So here are a few of the main ways you can show love and appreciation to your man:

1. Write him a letter. Or even a cute note. Hide it in his work clothes, or book or drawer.
2. Words of Affirmation. Tell him how much you love and appreciate what he does. Tell him how safe and happy he makes you feel. How great of a spouse he is. How well he takes care of you.
3. Make his favorite dinner/dessert.
4. Clean and organize his truck, or shop or manacle whatever. A place or thing that is his that could use a bit of help. Do something to lighten his load.
5. Plan an activity that he likes. Rent his favorite movie. Get him some targets and go shooting together. Plan an over night camp out.
6. Make him a gift. Get him something he needs. A pocket knife, or tool. Or make him a phonebook.
7. Do his chores. Mow the lawn or do all his laundry or take care of some of his work so he doesn't have to worry about it.
8. Put some cash and a sticky in his pocket so he finds it when he's out.

There are so many little things you can do that say "I love you and I appreciate you too." Just think outside of the box and look for ways to make him smile.