Will Your Marriage Last?

Studies show that the newlywed years can foretell the long-term outcome of almost every marriage.

Read the original article here: Psychology Today: Will your Marriage Last?

Ted Huston, Ph.D., a professor of human ecology and psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, showcased a long-term study or married couples and the ability to forecast the future of their marriage.
Huston found that how well spouses got along as newlyweds affected their future, but the major distinguishing factor between those who divorced and those who remained married was the amount of change in the relationship over its first two years.
"The first two years are key--that's when the risk of divorce is particularly high," he says. "And the changes that take place during this time tell us a lot about where the marriage is headed."

Those who remained happily married were very "in love" and affectionate as newlyweds. They were more sure about their partner, expressed negative feelings less often and viewed their mate more positively than other couples. Most importantly, these feelings remained stable over time. 

On the other hand, many couples who divorced after several years together were also very affectionate as newlyweds, but they gradually became less loving, more negative, and more critical of their spouse.

The experiences of the couples who divorced showed that loss of initial levels of love and affection, rather than conflict, was the greatest cause of distress and divorce. This loss sends the relationship into a downward spiral, leading to increased bickering and fighting, and to the collapse of the union.

"My own research speaks to `loss of intimacy,' in the sense that when people first become close they feel a tremendous sense of validation from each other, like their partner is the only other person on earth who sees things as they do. That feeling sometimes fades, and when it does, it can take a heavy toll on the marriage."

Huston also goes onto say that couples are most vulnerable to disillusionment when their courtship is brief. In a whirlwind romance, it's easy to paint an unrealistically 'rosy' picture of the relationship, one that cannot be sustained. 

Another Red Flag for relationships is a courtship filled with drama and driven by external circumstances.

A main feature that distinguishes those couples who remain together from those who eventually split up, are those who establish patterns of behavior early and maintain them over time. This highlights stability in the relationship.

All married couples eventually lose a bit of that honeymoon euphoria, those who remain married don't consider this a crushing blow, but rather a natural transition from "romantic relationship" to "working partnership." And when conflict does arise, they diffuse it with various constructive coping mechanisms.

A good relationship is a romance built on a solid foundation of love and affection, and on honesty and intimacy. 

Also, having time to "paint realistic portraits of one another" and see their partner in honest light rather than a rosy illusion of the whirlwind romance, lessens the chances of a rude awakening after marriage. 

Take the Marriage Quiz Here.

Most of the content in this post is direct verbatim from Psychology Today Magazine.