When love is gone

Imagine for a minute you wake up in the middle the night and you roll over to your spouse not being there. Gone without a warning or a sound and you're suddenly left very alone.

Would you be satisfied with how you spent yesterday?

 I had this dream the other night I woke up and he was gone there was nothing I could do and my whole life changed instantly. 

It really puts into perspective how quickly everything can change and be taken away from you.

And it makes you appreciate your spouse a little bit more when you realize that there's no guarantee that you'll have them tomorrow. I think when you see someone every day and you have them in your life for so long you just expect that they will always be there

But there's 100 variables in every situation. Less than 50% of marriages make it, not everyone lives to old age, and not everyone stays together.

So make sure you value today and everything your spouse means to you. Enjoy each other, and let go of the small things. Because you never know when today is your last good day.

When your spouse becomes your roommate

Sometimes you need to treat your spouse like your roommate. Often we get into a comfortable routine with our spouse, and we begin to become more relaxed about our day today duties. If you were not married to this person would you still act the same? I know lately I haven't been feeling well and I've let my chores get away from me. My husband, being the sweetheart that he is, has taken over a lot of my work, and I feel like it has helped enable me to be a lazy because he so helpful. I had to take a step back and realize that if he was my roommate and not my spouse he would treat me a lot different. He would expect me to do my part and he would probably say something when it wasn't done.

If you walk into a bathroom full of dirty laundry and make up everywhere that your roommate left out, you would probably leave it there and confront them when They get home. But my husband will just clean it up and doesn't say anything about it. Which is a very sweet way to show he loves me. But we need to make sure that we are not taking advantage of our spouse.

It's important to clean up after yourself. But also make sure you note when he does something nice for you and thank him for it. And service goes both ways, go out of your way to do nice things for him. Clean up messes that he may have left or keep quiet about something that he left out or put in the wrong place. Don't nag each other about little things. Just help each other out. Make sure you're not taking advantage of your spouse or they're not taking advantage of you. Everybody needs to do their part and help out together. And make a note to go out of your way more often and do things for your spouse. It will help build love and support in your home.

Its the small things...

When you are upset, had a bad day, or just because he wants to show you that he cares- You get flowers. Its what men do. They have been told over and over that woman love flowers.

Do we though? Why do we love flowers? They just die. They don't really do anything. We don't use them, we just set them down and watch them slowly wilt day by day.
So what is it about flowers that brings us so much joy?

Every time you walk past and see that vase, sitting sweetly there glowing with color and sweet smells, you are reminded that you are loved. That someone appreciates you and wants you to feel better. And they cared enough to go out of their way to bring you this small gesture of affection.

So what can we as woman do, to show that same love, and appreciation for the man in our lives? What are the small gestures we can do to make them feel good?

Its the big question "What is a mans 'flower'". He knows what to get and do for you- so how to you return the gift?

So here are a few of the main ways you can show love and appreciation to your man:

1. Write him a letter. Or even a cute note. Hide it in his work clothes, or book or drawer.
2. Words of Affirmation. Tell him how much you love and appreciate what he does. Tell him how safe and happy he makes you feel. How great of a spouse he is. How well he takes care of you.
3. Make his favorite dinner/dessert.
4. Clean and organize his truck, or shop or manacle whatever. A place or thing that is his that could use a bit of help. Do something to lighten his load.
5. Plan an activity that he likes. Rent his favorite movie. Get him some targets and go shooting together. Plan an over night camp out.
6. Make him a gift. Get him something he needs. A pocket knife, or tool. Or make him a phonebook.
7. Do his chores. Mow the lawn or do all his laundry or take care of some of his work so he doesn't have to worry about it.
8. Put some cash and a sticky in his pocket so he finds it when he's out.

There are so many little things you can do that say "I love you and I appreciate you too." Just think outside of the box and look for ways to make him smile.

Are you Soul Mates?

I am a true believer that we all have Soul mates. People we were destined to find, that fate brings you together because you belong to each other through some greater power.
I married my husband a short 6 months after meeting him, because I knew our souls belonged to each other and had loved one another since before this life.
So how do you know when you've found the one? Its the ultimate question everyone wants to know. What does True Love feel like and how will I know?

For me it was like we clicked. Something happened that first day we spent together and I needed to see him again. I needed to spend more time with him. I just wanted to be with him. He was all I could think about. And everything just feel into place so easy and naturally, nothing was forced.
I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time, its just something that happened.

A few truths to the "Rules of Love" you may have heard:

• You have to love yourself first. Be confident in who you are. And know that your worth is not dictated by your relationship or lack of one.
• You can not force things. If its meant to happen it will. And even though you may feel like you love this person and it 'has to work out', there may be better things waiting for you around the corner. Don't stay in a relationship because your afraid of not having another one.
• If its meant to be- it will be. Simple as that. If you truly are soul-mates, that greater power will bring you together.

Below is a list of ways you can tell if you are potential soul mates. But just because you make the list doesn't mean it will for sure happen or not. 

1. You can convey what you're thinking by just looking at each other.
2. You can't even remember what it was like to be without them — and you don't want to!
3. They challenge you/Make you a better person every day.
4. They know exactly what to do to calm you down when you're mad, to help relieve your stress, or to cheer you up.
5. They also know exactly what to do to get under your skin . . . and they at least attempt to not do those things.
6. Even after years of being together, you still have great chemistry.
7. You are completely comfortable in their presence.
8. After spending a few days apart, you both talk a mile a minute to catch each other up on everything you both missed.
9. It feels like you've known each other your whole lives.
10. You disagree on some things, but are always on the same page when it really matters.
11. You have a bond that people around you don't understand.
12. Their family feels like your own family.
13. You don't feel the need to keep searching for more because you are so at peace with what you have.
14. You hurt when they hurt; you smile when they smile.
15. They are part of almost every story you tell.
16. They think the weird, quirky things you do are adorable, and you feel the same way about them, too.
17. You are a better person with them than without them.
18. They support you and your dreams — even if they don't entirely understand them.
19. You are a dynamic duo, a perfect pair, a true team.
20. You feel protected by them and secure in your relationship.
21. For the first time in your life, you realize that home is not a place, but a person.
22. In some ways, you have become pretty much the same person.
23. You are your best and worst self around them, and they love you for both.
24. You know, in your gut, that this is it for you.

http://www.popsugar.com/love/Signs-Youve-Found-Your-Soul-Mate-35421825

Will Your Marriage Last?

Studies show that the newlywed years can foretell the long-term outcome of almost every marriage.

Read the original article here: Psychology Today: Will your Marriage Last?

Ted Huston, Ph.D., a professor of human ecology and psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, showcased a long-term study or married couples and the ability to forecast the future of their marriage.
Huston found that how well spouses got along as newlyweds affected their future, but the major distinguishing factor between those who divorced and those who remained married was the amount of change in the relationship over its first two years.
"The first two years are key--that's when the risk of divorce is particularly high," he says. "And the changes that take place during this time tell us a lot about where the marriage is headed."

Those who remained happily married were very "in love" and affectionate as newlyweds. They were more sure about their partner, expressed negative feelings less often and viewed their mate more positively than other couples. Most importantly, these feelings remained stable over time. 

On the other hand, many couples who divorced after several years together were also very affectionate as newlyweds, but they gradually became less loving, more negative, and more critical of their spouse.

The experiences of the couples who divorced showed that loss of initial levels of love and affection, rather than conflict, was the greatest cause of distress and divorce. This loss sends the relationship into a downward spiral, leading to increased bickering and fighting, and to the collapse of the union.

"My own research speaks to `loss of intimacy,' in the sense that when people first become close they feel a tremendous sense of validation from each other, like their partner is the only other person on earth who sees things as they do. That feeling sometimes fades, and when it does, it can take a heavy toll on the marriage."

Huston also goes onto say that couples are most vulnerable to disillusionment when their courtship is brief. In a whirlwind romance, it's easy to paint an unrealistically 'rosy' picture of the relationship, one that cannot be sustained. 

Another Red Flag for relationships is a courtship filled with drama and driven by external circumstances.

A main feature that distinguishes those couples who remain together from those who eventually split up, are those who establish patterns of behavior early and maintain them over time. This highlights stability in the relationship.

All married couples eventually lose a bit of that honeymoon euphoria, those who remain married don't consider this a crushing blow, but rather a natural transition from "romantic relationship" to "working partnership." And when conflict does arise, they diffuse it with various constructive coping mechanisms.

A good relationship is a romance built on a solid foundation of love and affection, and on honesty and intimacy. 

Also, having time to "paint realistic portraits of one another" and see their partner in honest light rather than a rosy illusion of the whirlwind romance, lessens the chances of a rude awakening after marriage. 

Take the Marriage Quiz Here.

Most of the content in this post is direct verbatim from Psychology Today Magazine. 

31 Things everyone Woman needs to understand about Men

1.  You can't change him. Every girl thinks that she's magically able to change him for the better, but in reality this is false. And if you want to change him instead of loving him for the person he is, your relationship is not going to work. So either accept him for who he is, or find the guy you want him to be in someone else. 
2. Never Criticize his Mother. If he has something negative to say and you agree with him thats ok. But don't ever bring it up first. Personally I believe that in laws are taboo subjects and you should never speak negatively of any of his family, as you wouldn't want him to do to yours.
3. You have to Let things Go. Don't bring up stuff from the past. And once you resolve an argument, let to be and forget about it. You can't move on or make progress if your always bringing up the past.
4. You can't bombard him the second he walks in the door. Guys need at least 15 minutes, usually around an hour, to relax and get the stress of work off their minds. Don't bug him with a million questions or things to do until you give him some 'Him Time'. Just kiss him when he comes home. Be an open ear he can vent to. And wait until he is ready before you start flooding him with all the stories, questions, and chores for the day.
5.  He will never like your guy friends. Its ok to keep in touch with friends of your past (as long as you never dated any of them) but once you two are together your other friends should not be a big part of your life. And if you are messaging them, or visit ever, always include your guy. Treat your guy friends how you would want I'm to treat his Female friends of his past.
6.  He wants you to seduce him. Don't make him instigate every time. Be sexy and seductive every now and then. And don't be afraid to get a little crazy, try new things, and spice things up.
7.  He notices when you wear jewelry he buys you. Which means he also knows how often you don't wear it. And when he spends a pretty penny on something special like that, so your appreciation. The more expensive it was the more you should wear it. How would you like it if you bought him something and he never used it?
8. He needs you to need him. Make him feel like you honestly could not survive without him. Tell him how important he is. Make him feel loved and appreciated. And ask him to do things for you once in awhile, like opening hard jars or killing bugs. lol Idk why but it boosts their man ego.
9. You still need to try hard to be sexy. Just because he tells you your beautiful and don't need makeup, and your not fat… Does NOT mean you can lounge around in yoga pants every day and eat what you want. Men are visual. And even though he may love you no matter what- he will miss the sexy girl he first fell in love with. And he may not find you as attractive over time if you never try get all dressed up for him.
10. Ultimatums will not work. Don't ever try to make him do something. Speak openly and honestly about what you want or need. And be considerate. Thats really the only way to get what you need from him and keep a good relationship.
11. He wants Kids. All growing up I thought it was the woman who wanted babies. But as I got older I realized a lot of woman are totally ok with not shoving a watermelon out of them. lol But theres something about men and babies, its in their DNA. Make sure you have kids when you are both ready. But understand that kids are his legacy and he's going to want that when he gets older.
12. He knows when your lying to him. Even if he doesn't know what your being dishonest about, he can tell when your not being totally honest with him
13. He wants you to enjoy his hobbies with him. If he likes guns, your gonna have to learn to shoot. War movies? He wants you to cuddle and watch them and not whine and criticize them. Sports? You better learn to rules. Its a good way to bond and spend time together. And he will think your so much hotter for getting involved.
14. You should always take his side. Within reason. But always have his back, and take his side in public. You would want his support and backup, and he wants yours.
15. He wants you to bring new things to his life. Don't push things on him. But tell him or show him things you like and experiences you want. Help him grow as a person, and expand his horizons.
16. You have to tell him exactly what you want. Don't be vague, don't hint at things, don't make him guess. Because he probably won't catch on. Just be open and straight forward.
17. He wants you by his side. Don't go places and split up. Don't wait in the car. Don't leave his side or make him do things alone if you can help it. If upper his other half he wants you to make him whole.
18. He needs you to help him achieve his dreams and goals. You need to support and inspire him to be a better person, to reach his goals, to achieve his dreams. "Behind every great man is a great woman" and that great woman helped him get there. Never tell him how hard it will be, or why things he wishes for won't work. If you don't have faith in him, he won't in himself.
19. Don't be afraid to tell him about what you want in bed, or talk about your weird fantasys. Its nothing compared to what he's thinking. And be willing to try new things he wants. Its better to give then to receive and being open to trying weird crazy things opens new doors in your sex life, you won't regret.
20. He needs to lean on you sometimes. Let him talk to you about things, but don't try to make him talk about his feelings. Sometimes he just needs to know you are there for him no matter what, and you don't think he's weak for it. You will love and support him even in times of weakness and grief.
21. Don't ever make him feel like less of a man. Don't make him feel weak, or sensitive, or like you don't need his help. He has to feel like he's doing his job as the Man of the house. Let him wear the pants, even if your the one telling him which ones to wear.
22. He doesn't want to hear about your past relationships. He doesn't want to hear stories about your guy friends, or weirdos you dated, or guys that you liked. You should be open and honest about what you've done in your past if he asks. But you should not bring up other men. Ever.
23. He wants to know he's the best lover you've ever had. Tell him how great he is. How sweet. How good he takes care of you. And that he is the most amazing at Sex.
24. Let him be a gentleman. Let him open doors for you and carry your things. Its how he was taught to show love and respect to you. Don't take that away from him or let him feel unappreciated for it.
25. You should let him win sometimes. Don't always be better at him, especially at things he loves. Help his ego and let him win sometimes too. 
26. He always wants a BJ. And its better if you don't even ask him, just go for it. He will go crazy.  He's never going to say no.
27. He needs quite time once in awhile. Don't be offended if he wants some alone time, or to go out by himself to shoot a few rounds or play some golf. Everyone needs a little time for themselves once in awhile. And make sure that your not talking his ear off 24/7 because he can only handle so much before he stops listening.
28. You should compliment him more. Guys like to hear things like, you look super sexy today, or you are so amazing, I love your ______, ect… You love it when he tells you how beautiful you are and such, so make sure you compliment him too.
29. You don't always have to be right. And don't be afraid to tell him when he is right. And even if he's not right, at least validate that even though you think otherwise, you see his opinion and understand his reasoning. Agree to disagree, but don't make it about who's right or wrong. 
30. He's not as complicated as you are. He doesn't think about 1 things a thousand ways. He doesn't have ulterior motives for everything. And his feelings aren't as confusing and complex as yours are. Don't try to 'Read into' everything about him.
31. Never ever lie about Orgasms. Its his biggest fear. don't be afraid to tell him when you just didn't get there. But let him know it was good and you loved it. He needs to know he's good in bed. 

Speaking Freely

One of the best things about marriage is and should be having the ability to speak freely about anything with your partner.

The good, the bad, the weird, and the ugly. 

Don't make fun of, criticize, or belittle anything your partner says. Ever. No matter how awkward, weird, or funny you may think it is. 

You want to be able to have an openness in everything and be able to tell each other anything.

This benefits you in many ways. 

If you can talk about not only what you like, but what you dislike about your relationship, situation, or anything, in a calm and unfiltered manner you can work through almost anything in your marriage.

One of, it not the Main Problem in most marriages is Communication.

Wether thats not communicating efficiently or not at all. 

A great thing my husband taught me when we were dating was something he learned from his parents long ago. 

Fill in the blanks of the sentence. "When you _____________. I Feel ________________. I Prefer ____________."

For example. "When you make decisions with our money without me, I feel  like you don't value my opinion or equality, I would prefer if you at least consulted my opinion before you make a decision."

Its a great way to communicate how your feeling and thinking without targeting or offending your spouse.

And you need to work towards total openness. Don't ever be afraid to talk about anything. From chores, to friends, to work, or sex. Everything should be open fair ground to say your piece.

But make sure you are always considerate of your partners feelings when discussing things. And make sure you listen as much as you talk. 

And make changes where they need to be. You have to be willing to change yourself to make changes happen.

When Your Spouse needs your Full & Undivided Attention

Its always important to give your spouse and your marriage the attention it deserves. But there are a few occasions in which your spouse needs your 100% focus. And making him your focus should be a priority in these circumstances.

1. First thing in the Morning. I know for allot of you (myself included) our spouse often leaves way earlier than we do. Its still important to wake up, at least half way, and give them a good bye kiss and tell them you love them before they leave. Look at them- Yes open your eyes for a second don't just sleep mumble "Love you bye." And maybe throw in a compliment or some motivating words. Try and start each other off on a good foot for the rest of the day.
2. When you get Home. As soon as I see my husband pull up I drop what Im doing and meet him with a kiss at the door. I hug him and tell him how much I've missed him while he was at work. And now and then I remind him of how grateful I am that he goes to work everyday to provide a good life for us. 
3. On His Birthday. I make a big deal out of birthdays. He's one of those people who says its just a normal day closer to death. But I always tell him to be grateful you get to be this age. Some people didn't get that lucky. And I make a big deal out of it. The cake, gifts, sex, the whole 9 yards. And I celebrate him, and everything Im grateful he is.
4. When He is in 'On Stage'. Whenever he is the center of attention- or should be. This is anything from his work presentations, to when his family is visiting. Its time to sit back, and let him be the center of attention. And also make him the center of my focus. No phones, or distractions. Just me giving him my full and undivided attention and support.
5. When He's Sick. When he's ill you have to "Baby your baby". Wait in him hand and foot and even take some time just to cuddle and make him feel better. If he wants to be alone, then make sure nothing is going to interrupt his alone time.
6. When he is disappointed or upset. Know when to just be quite and give a listening ear. Usually he doesn't want you to try and "fix" things, he just wants to get it off his chest. And just letting him rant or vent to you can help him cope with things. Give an understanding and supportive ear to him. And just let him get it out.

 Important Times To Give Full Attention To Your Spouse www.familyshare.com

You don't have to know everything

I think the biggest misconception about marriage is that you have to, or will be able to, know your spouse 100% before your married. 

And the truth is you will never totally know them- you will learn knew things about each other every day for the rest of your lives, wether your married or not.

My "Cheat-Sheet" is a private Pinterest board I made called "Things about my Husband"
I have tons of pins of pictures and paragraphs to help me remember everything about him from his favorite kind of cake to the way he likes his towels folded.

Its a great place to keep his favorite food recipes to future gift ideas, to cute ideas on ways to tell him I love him. If he mentions something I can put things like "Today he told me it would be nice to have a drill set soon." or "Note to self- Husband hates Chocolate cake"

I plan on making one for each of my children also. It just makes life so much easier!
Who doesn't love Pinterest right?

Anyways, back to the misconception part…
     I have a lot of friends and family who are engaged for 3 years, or who have been dating for 5 and still don't feel like they know enough about their significant other to decide if they love them.
I think the main question is 'Do you Love them?' If the answer is yes than it doesn't mean you have to be able to write a novel about all the little things about them- you just have to find out if their The One.
Its more about following your heart then your head. But if you have second thoughts about committing to them… its a pretty good sign that its not The one your looking for. 

Dangerous Apps for your Marriage

Social Networks may bring you closer to people and help you form relationships, but they can also injure or destroy relationships you have.

Oh Social Media, your a blessing and a curse.

With everything and anyone being a click away - you play a dangerous game.

Think about it, what did you do on Social Networks before you were in a relationship? At one point or another you used it to connect to people, to flirt, or communicate with people privately.

Things like messenger, snapchat, twitter DM, private email, and messaging apps are especially concerning.

The best way to prevent problems with these things is to first understand why its a problem. You may think its harmless. Your not using them in ways that are secretive or suspicious. You trust your partner and they trust you. Etc.. Ect…

However, its always better to prevent a situation from happening then trying to fix it afterwards.

Even though you may never send something questionable, that doesn't mean someone wouldn't send something to you. And it doesn't mean theres not a little part in the back of your mind that wonders what if your partner is keeping things from you? And they may think the same.

Below are steps you should take now to prevent social media from potentially having the ability to negatively effect your relationship.

1. Discuss with your partner why you think its important. Don't make them feel like you don't trust them, or they shouldn't trust you. Only express that you want everything in your relationship to be 100% open and honest, and you feel like its best to 'Share' your "online-life" as transparently as your "real-life".
2. Delete Accounts from risky Networks and Apps. Snapchat is one of the worst. Anything that sends private content should be considered.
3. Open Mutual Accounts. If you want to keep Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Make a mutual account that you both use and delete your personal ones. My spouse and I have a Facebook page together, so when people message him or I we both get notified and can see the messages. Also, because both our names are on the page, people know that they can't message me something and not have him see it and vice versa. 
4.  Make all your social Networks Passwords the same. So you both have the login info and access to them constantly. Allowing each other the ability to check in on things without you knowing gives them peace of mind that nothing would happen you wouldn't want them to know about. We both have personal accounts on certain sites, but I can check on his and he can login to mine. Same goes for our emails.
5. Be comfortable with using/playing with each others phones. If your not willing to let him use your phone or pick it up and be on it whenever he wants theres probably a reason why. And the same goes for his phone. 
6. Remove Exes. Delete their numbers. Unfriend them. And don't keep communication with them. Simple as that.

And most importantly "Don't ever be afraid to tell your spouse if someone sends you something inappropriate or that makes you uncomfortable. Don't try to hide it. And don't feel guilty if you didn't instigate it." 

2 weeks after our wedding I got a text in the middle of the night. It was from a guy I used to date about a year before I met my husband. It took a minute before I knew what he sent, but once I saw what he had texted me I freaked out and deleted it right away. I was scared that if my husband saw the nude he would blame me, and it would hurt our relationship. So instead I tried to hide it and forget about it. 

When I finally did tell him it was terrible because the fact that I tried to hide it made me look guilty, and it created a trust barrier in our relationship. He always wanted to go through my messages after that. I deleted snapchat and any way someone could ever send something like that to me again. And I changed my number. 

Neither of us had caused this, but that didn't prevent someone else from causing us a problem in our relationship through private social connections.

Relationships require sacrifice and one of those sacrifices is your Social Media Connections.

5 Ways to Be a Better Wife

You don't have to be perfect, you just have to try to wake up every morning better than you were the day before.

Being a blogger myself I am always surfing the web and reading other bloggers posts. I came across this one the other day (Click image above to open original blog)

Tina, the author of Mothers Niche Lists 5 Ways to be a Better Wife. Below is a summery of her list:

1. Be interested in what he likes to do. Take time to do what he wants to do and what he enjoys.
2. Love him in a way that he loves. Respect, Help, Compliment Him.
3. Pray. Thank God for everything he's made your husband into. For blessings, and for your marriage.
4. Be Lovable. Once you become so comfortable with your spouse its easy to let yourself go. But its important to keep yourself put together. Both of you benefit from getting dressed up.
5. Be Unpredictable Surprise is the Spice of Life

Remind him every day that he married his best friend. And keep the fire going. Marriage is work, but its worth it. 

I love this quote that she had: “You LOVE those whom you SACRIFICE most for.”

Anyways, I hope this inspired you as much as it did me and I will defiantly be working towards being the wife my husband deserves. 

Go Check out Tina's blog!

A quick thought about Road Trips and Bonding Time

If you really want to get to know someone make sure you spend time with them when their having a bad day, their sad, their hungry, and their super tired.
Personality varies on circumstance, and its a good idea to try to know your significant other in all different circumstances and emotions.

My favorite thing is when My husband and I are traveling late, and he gets tired but fights to stay awake so he can be the driver. (Him sleep driving is less terrifying than me driving in the city wide awake) He goes through the whiney board fighting it phase and then goes to the crazy silly tired. I love seeing that side of him. The one where he sings weird with the radio, and takes our conversation in silly directions. And we just sit and laugh together.

Thats the best part about traveling. You can't block out each other with TV or distractions. Signal usually gets rid of phone distractions too. And you have nothing but each other to entertain one another. You get to have some interesting, deep, or amusing conversations you may not have otherwise taken the time to just sit down and have.

Appreciate the little things

I believe its most important to focus more on the positive things in every situation. Especially when it comes to people. 

If you focus on the good things about them more than the other stuff, you will see them in a more positive light and be more satisfied in your relationship. Focus on the good qualities, remember the nice things they've done, and realize all the positive things about them.

Its also important to express to people that you do notice the positive things, and that you appreciate the nice things.
Someone who feels like you notice all the good is going to try harder to please you.
If you always focus on the negative things, that person won't care, and will probably just try to irritate you more.

When it comes you your spouse, they really are trying. He may forget to take the trash out, only dry half the laundry like you've told him a million times not to do, or always leave pop cans laying around. But one day you come home and he's done all the dishes for you.
 The more you focus on that one good thing instead of all the things that kinda drive you crazy, the more you will love and appreciate him. And when you express how much you 'appreciate that he did that for you and he's so sweet, you love him so much'. The more he will love and appreciate you and the more likely it will be for him to try harder to remember the trash and laundry and pop cans. And the more you will find him doing little sweet things.

Try to notice all the little day to day things. Like the fact that he gets up before the sun to go to work to give you the things you want and need. Or that he try very hard to make sure you are happy and taken care of, putting your needs first. Or even when he remembers not to leave his dirty clothes in the bathroom. Even the tiny things are ways he's trying to love and respect you. And the more you notice and express these things the better he will become at doing them.

Who does't like to be told their doing a good job?

Being a Full Time Wife

Focusing my life around my husband and home made made all the difference.

I can not tell you the number of nights I have come home from work and cried because my house was falling apart.
The dishes pilled in the sink. My husband not having clean pants to wear to work, or able to find socks in the pile of laundry filling our closet. Eating take out again. And wearing a ponytail and no makeup most days so you look more like an over exhausted mid 30's woman than the trendy 21 year old you want to be.

But trying to balance your new responsibilities with your home life now that your married, and working full time is harder than it seems like it should be.

And a lot of nights I feel terrible that Im not the Wife I think I should be.

I thought about it allot one night and I realized that I was a full time manager, and a part time wife- my priorities were more focused on my job than my personal life and marriage.
I should not be worried about work once I get home, but thinking about home while Im at work.


I had to become a Full Time Wife and put everything else second to my husband and our home.
Which is way easier said then done.
I had to change my work schedule to give me a little time during the week that was just mine for the house while my husband was at work. From experience I find it way easier to get stuff done alone. He tries to be helpful but when Im in clean mode I do better when its just myself I need to direct.
I had to learn to manage my time better. I got a little planner and literally planned out my days from when I would get up to what ingredients I needed for dinner each night.
I made sure He was taken care of first. If I did his laundry first I was less likely to forget my own later. And if I made his lunch before I went to bed I would do mine in the morning. I focused on him most, because he is the main part of my marriage.

While I would like to say everything is perfect now its still crazy sometimes. But As long as Im trying and its improving its gonna be ok. I can only do so much. But focusing my life around my husband and home instead of work made all the difference.

Savor the Moment

Don't ever let the love be silent in your home.

Its important not to let yourself get so occupied and overwhelmed with everything you have to do that you forget to pause and Savor the small moments in your marriage.

I am personally terrible at this.
Don't be afraid to take a break from whatever your doing to enjoy a moment. If your doing the dishes and your husband comes and hugs you from behind, stop what your doing and kiss him.
If your working on something and he gets in your way, hug him and tell him how much you love him.
And don't be afraid to distract him from whatever he's doing too. Always act like lovestruck newly weds, and you always will be.

You can never, ever, tell your husband enough times or in enough ways that you love him. And the more you try to express it the more you will love him every day. And the stronger your marriage will be. Don't ever let the love be silent in your home. You should try to show your love for each other a thousand times each day.

17 Habits of Happy Couples

ARE YOU AND YOUR PARTNER DOING THESE?

I found this online earlier this week. This is direct copy from Minq.com Read the original article here

1. CHANGE YOUR FOCUS

A lot of the problems that couples have can be fixed if both people can just change the things that they focus on in their partner. Rather than focusing on what your partner does that annoys you, remind yourself of the things that you enjoy about him or her. So many people look for negatives even when surrounded by positives.

2. ALWAYS SAY "GOOD NIGHT"

We've all heard the phrase "never go to bed angry," and it holds true. Even if you and your partner are fighting, take a break to sincerely say "good night" before sleep and remind him or her that you still love being in a relationship with them.

3. DEFAULT TO TRUST AND FORGIVENESS

Every couple has disagreements, but how you deal with those moments is what really defines your relationship. A lot of the things couples fight about is actually a very small issue that can be dealt with easily. Before you start yelling, step back and take a look at the bigger picture. Make your trust in this person and your forgiveness for them your default mode, rather than suspicion and anger.

4. GO TO BED AT THE SAME TIME

You'd be surprised at how important something so simple as synchronized bed times is for a couple, but it really does go a long way in strengthening your relationship. Sure, it's not always easy to match up your sleeping schedules, but couples who do fall asleep together are constantly reminded of their close bond and reassured by their lover's touch.

5. HUG WHENEVER YOU COME HOME

Human skin holds memories of good, bad, and no touch, which it associates with a person. Being sure you get as much good touching, like hugs and kisses, with on another as possible helps you lead a happier and healthier relationship.

6. TALK THROUGHOUT THE DAY

You might spend your days apart at separate jobs or responsibilities, but you should still check in every so often. Whether you prefer to have a phone call during lunch, an afternoon email talking about your day, or something more sporadic like texting or instant messaging, it's important to communicate how your day is going even while apart. That way, your partner already knows how you feel when you get home.

7. KNOW EACH OTHER'S LOVE LANGUAGE

The author Gary Chapman noted that different people communicate affection in 5 distinct ways: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. While it's important to regularly focus on each of these love languages, you should also know which is most important to you and to your partner, as they may not be the same.

8. DEVELOP COMMON INTERESTS

It's natural for different people to have different interests, and of course you shouldn't have to do everything with your significant other, but having some interests or activities in common can really help to strengthen a couple. If you already have a common interest, find out a way to actively participate in it together, and if you don't then try out some new things together to try to develop one.

9. COOK DINNER TOGETHER

A lot of couples split up who cooks, but when only one person is doing it you're missing out on some quality bonding time. Not only do both people enjoy the meal more if they make it together, but cooking together is a unique experience the couples should experience often — it involves communication, creativity, and even sensuality.

10. SAY "I LOVE YOU" EVERY MORNING

It's important to start the day off on the right note, especially when the rest of the day may involve facing annoyances at work or other responsibilities. Saying "I love you" or simply "have a good day" to your loved one is an important way to remain patient and tolerant throughout those daily nuisances.

11. SPEND ALONE TIME TOGETHER

Happy couples are comfortable together, which means that they can spend time in the same room without trying to entertain each other. They don't feel pressure to always be amusing each other or doing the same thing — they can comfortably do their own things even right next to each other.

12. REGULARLY MAKE DECISIONS TOGETHER, AS A TEAM

Happy and secure couples share their lives together equally, and that means that they recognize the importance of communication and decision-making. Rather than acting alone, someone in a happy relationship will always talk with their partner before making a big decision.

13. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST

The people in a relationship obviously love one another, but to make them truly happy they first have to love themselves. A relationship is really a reflection of the happiness of the individuals involved, so happy people make a happy relationship.

14. DON'T TRY TO CHANGE EACH OTHER

Everybody wants to be appreciated for who they are, so a truly happy relationship involves both people loving each other for the people that they are. If you only love someone when they change to fit into your own ideas, then you love your own fantasy rather than another person.

15. BE PROUD TO BE SEEN TOGETHER

Some people may not like attention, but everyone should be proud to be seen with their significant other. And sure, PDA isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it is true that happier couples can't always keep their hands off each other in public.

16. WALK SIDE BY SIDE

Even the way you walk can help or hinder the strength of your relationship. Instead of walking behind or ahead of your partner, make an effort to walk side by side. Holding hands and walking next to your significant other really does make you two stronger with each step.

17. DON'T PLAY GAMES

A happy relationship is not like the couples you see on a lot of sitcoms — they don't play games with each other. Openness and honesty help build a happy relationship, but lying will only ruin it.

What to get for the Newly Weds?

What do newly weds REALLY want for wedding presents?

I asked 6 couples who got married last year on what they really wanted/needed verses what they received as wedding presents. Which ones were the most useful and exciting, and which ones ended up returned or re-gifted. Heres what they said:

1. CASH. While its nice to put allot of thought into a gift instead of getting a generic card with some dough inside… Marriage usually means that the couple is just starting out on their own. And some extra money goes a long way! "I remember being so stressed out after our wedding because I wasn't sure how we would be able to pay rent after all the unexpected last minute wedding expenses. But my stress slowly melted away as we opened card after card from our well wishing friends and found enough money to pay off some things we desperately needed."
2. KITCHEN APPLIANCES. "While most of the stuff we got was the cheaper Wal-Mart stuff, having a toaster, coffee maker, crock pot, can opener, blender, we even got a microwave. Those helped kick off my kitchen and last me until I could afford to upgrade in a few years. Defiantly my favorite things."
3. BED SET. Having a nice matching bed set (or two) is SO nice. Not something a lot of people think to give as a gift- but something everyone needs or would enjoy. 
4. BATHROOM SET. You can NEVER have enough Fluffy Bath Towels. And soap dispensers, tooth brush holders, even a cute shower curtain- those are things newly weds who are barley out on their own will appreciate.
5. ELECTRIC CANDELS AND TWIN WINE GLASSES "Its the first thing we used, we took it on our honeymoon and had a toast in the candle light."

A few things that made it into the "What am I supposed to do with this?" List:

1. Laundry Soap and other cleaners. 
2. Mixed Match Tuppa Wear
3. Books. Especially Cookbooks
4. Hangers…?

Keeping a Journal- Benefits your life and Relationship

A new finding suggests that keeping a journal not only benefits your life and memory, but also could play an important role in how satisfied you are with your relationship.

"You need to be careful to not use your journal as a vent for negative things in your life. But to help you remember things from your past. If its not a positive memory or something you want or need to remember later in your life, you shouldn't log it."

But if you are writing about positive things that happen, especially in your relationship, it will help you be overall happier with it. "Today _____ did the sweetest thing" or "Its so cute when my love _____" Even things like "I was thinking about what would happen if I ever lost him. If only he knew how mush I need him." 

A cute idea I found on Pinterest about journal writing- is getting him a journal From you.
You can give it to him as a gift one day, or use it as a keepsake incase he ever lost you.
Im doing it for him for an anniversary present. Here is an entry from mine to give you some ideas:
"Feb 17th 2014      
       Today when I came home from work and saw you standing in the kitchen in your work clothes, just home yourself and you were doing the dishes for me because I hadn't had time this morning, was the sweetest thing ever. You didn't ask why they weren't done, or complain. You simply did them because you knew I have been so busy and you were trying to relieve some of my work load. You always do more than your part, and I will never be able to tell you how much I love and appreciate you. And I notice all the little things you do in my life."

Look back to your personal journal often and remember the special little moments or the sweet things that he said, or how much you need him in your life. Things won't always be sunshine and rainbows. But when a storm comes its nice to be able to look back on the sunlight and fall in love over and over for the same little reasons.

Just a quick note

Remind your husband every day of how lucky You are to have him.

I like to leave my husband love notes.
I never do it the same way twice and I am always trying to think of different ways to leave them.
A sticky note here, or a folded paper in his work binder. A memo on his phone or a note in his lunch box. An envelop under his pillow or a post card in his suitcase when he leaves for work over night.
Some Sharpie on a mirror or a reminder on the fridge.
Anytime I feel like he's having a rough time or I just want to remind him of how important he is to me.
I think its important to show them just how much we care and whats on our minds. Je loves finding them and says its nice to get a cute little message or an ego boost every now and then.
We love it when they tell us how nice we look or make a big deal out of simple things, so why wouldn't they?

My little Crush

I still have a Crush on my Husband

Yesterday my friend came over and while I was cooking dinner and we were gossiping about the usual day to day events in our town I couldn't help but stare out the window and watch my husband as he was doing yard work. 

She laughed at me about it, but I thought it was the cutest thing to "spy" on him. 

When I was young we used to "Spy" on the neighborhood boys and watch them play and rough house with each other. We would laugh about how cute they were and notice all the little things our crushes did. 

I think that is an important thing to keep in your marriage. Never let the day to day life together blind you form all the cute little things about your spouse. Don't forget why you fell in love with him. Notice every time he makes your heart skip a beat. 

Don't forget what your life was like before you had him in it. And always be thankful for him and cherish every moment. 

Don't forget to tell him how cute he is. Sometimes I will go up to my husband and whisper "Can I tell you a secret?" he always laughs and I say "I love you." 

He thinks its funny that I call it a secret, but I like to remind him every day that I love him more than ever. 

The "To-Be" List

The reality of what to expect for the Man of your Dreams.

We all grow up dreaming about our prince charming. What he will look like. How he will act. What he will do. And how Perfect he is going to be.

And we make a "To-Be" list. A list of expectations or standards that our prince will excel with flying colors and anyone who doesn't is sidelined.

     

Wether you know and admit it or not you have one too, every woman does. But instead of giving you an easy determination of wether this current guy is your Soul Mate, it can actually hinder you from finding one.

The first thing to remember is that every prince wants a Princess. You will attract what you are. He doesn't have to be Worthy of you if you aren't worthy of him. So before you say "I want a man who is attractive, fit, outgoing, kind, organized, etc…." You need to make yourself attractive, fit, outgoing, kind, and organized. 

The second and no less important thing is to realize that You are NOT Perfect. And you never will be 100% Flawless in every way. So you can NOT expect to find a man who doesn't have a flaw or two. Yes you should have standards, and its good to make a list of things "You would Like your prince charming to have." But it all reality there will be at least a few things on that list that they guy will fail at, no matter who he is. The "To-Be" List is more of a grading sheet. As long as he gets a high enough percent he should pass. If its a 100% or Fail test Every Single Person will fail. I promise you.

You have to decide which things are an absolute deal breaker, and which things you can learn to live with. Because you are going to fail at a few of his "To-Be" expectations as well.

Before I met my husband I had an extensive To Be list. I told myself "I will know that he's the one if…" and I had a lot of will dos and will nots. But when I met him on the second date I realized he hit a couple "Will nots" and missed a few "Will Dos" But he still had a lot of amazing qualities and things to offer. 

So go through your "To-Be" list and make sure you hit all the expectations you want to hold him to. And next time your "Grading" a guy, remember that there are a few things every person will miss, and make sure your not failing him for things that aren't that big a deal after all. He may make up for the things he lacks with other positive qualities you didn't think about. 

Making the Big Announcement

Once you decide to put a ring on it and become engaged your enter a whole new ball game.

When you and your boyfriend are first together none bothers you much about it. Your friends and family will want to get to know him, and you will probably have to meet his parents and all that. But other than that the opinions go about as far as "He seems nice. I like him."

Once you become engaged EVERYONE will have an opinion… and a million questions.
"How long have you been together?" "How did you know?" "Are you Sure?" "Are you pregnant?" And my least favorite but the one you will get the most "Whens the big day?" Literally the day after we announce our engagement people were asking like I already had the wedding plan set in stone.
   
When you announce you have found the man-of-your-dreams and you want to spend forever together what you really want to hear is "Congratulations! I am so happy you two found each other. Im so excited for you!"

What you don't want to hear is what so-and-so thinks about you only dating 3 months before you made this life changing decision that is defiantly going to tie you down and crush your dreams and end up making you unhappy because you're too young to know what you're getting into.
     Or all the rumors going around that you must be pregnant or crazy to be rushing marriage like that.

When you know that you have found your other half and you can't go another day without him, why should you not get married now? When ya know ya know. And its your life changing decision. Make sure your being smart and not rushing into getting married for the wrong reasons. And don't worry about anyone else. Don't let them make you second guess yourself.
And if you are a good friend and your friend announces it tell them you are happy for them and support them. And leave the stupid questions and opinions for the other people to say.

When you decide to make the announcement for yourself there are some Words of Wisdom I would like to suggest:

1. Tell your family first. Call them up and let them know the great news before anyone else.

2. Tell them to keep it on the DL. We texted a picture of us and the ring to his parents and it said "She said yes!" Right after it happened. By the time I got on Facebook awhile later, they had already uploaded the picture and announced it for us! I was SO upset.

3. Tell all your friends together so none gets mad about who knew first. Have a BBQ and invite everyone. Or post it on Facebook with them all tagged so its fair game.

4. I would personally wait a couple days to announce it. It gives you time to enjoy your own good news before everyone bombardes you with texts and calls and questions and opinions. and Secondly- (I've seen this happen twice) Someone changes their mind shortly after and everyone freaks out and it kills their relationship because maybe she just wants to wait a little while and you surprised her so she said yes because she didn't know what to do.

My husband and I talked about getting married and our future together before he popped the question so I knew it was coming and I had had time to really think and pray about it.

Looking back now do I wish I had waited to get engaged? -Yes
Why? Because our relationship was all about us and having fun up until that day. As soon as we put a ring on it we had a To-Do list ten miles long and an ongoing interrogation about just about everything until our wedding day. It wasn't until after our wedding day that our relationship/marriage become about us again. And I sometimes wish we had had just a few more days in our summer love story before we jumped into all that. But marriage is honestly better than that summer ever was, its just more work and we have to make time to hang out and go on dates now.